Sunday, December 30, 2007
Being only 43, I think this is some sort of cruel joke. At first I thought the rise in temperature was just the effects of global warming. But then I remembered global warming was happening outdoors, not in my clothes.
Possible relief? Well, I'm thinking of throwing on a pair of Depends and filling them with ice. Maybe streaking thorough my backyard at night in the snow would be both fun and helpful.
And oh joy, oh joy - I just read that this 'transition' usually starts several years before the actual event and lasts an average of 4 years but can continue for as long as 10. I could get another college degree in that time. While I'm in prison. Because PMS for me now stands for Pass My Shotgun. If this is just the opening act, I can't wait for the main attraction.
Now if you would please excuse me, I have to go throw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
The ideal score is 20. That must be because I was just so smart when I was that age. Let's see,what did I know back then? I knew I was straight. Ok, not so smart there. I knew I wanted to have kids. Not so much. I was sure knowing that the derivative of X^2 is 2X would somehow be beneficial to me. Keep going Einstein. I knew that my friends would probably be married before I was. Ding ding ding.....extra bonus points there smarty pants.
I'll give that game another round or two. But I'm stopping before I get my score to 20. That would be way too dangerous.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I explained to him that if he really did want to grow up to be bigger than his brother as he had stated, he would need to sleep so he could grow tall and strong. After 5 or 6 pretend calls to Santa and to the police, I finally gave up and got settled on the pull-out sofa, pretending not to care that he was still running around the living room.
He sat next to the sofa watching me while whispering "CJ's a baby, CJ's a baby." I rolled over and said "Yes, but at least I'm tall." At which point he told me that I was short (I'm 5' 7"), that he could beat me up and that he was also 'going to kick me in the peanuts.' Hmmm, the peanuts. Not sure that will get you anywhere buddy.
This morning he knocked on the bathroom door at 6:00 as I was getting ready. "CJ, I want you to sleep over tonight" he said.
No way Road Runner. I may not have any peanuts to kick, but I'm not taking any chances, you three foot man of steel.
Note: Road Runner is an adorable kid and I really do love him. Plus, his Mom reads my blog.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Co-Worker: "Good Morning. How we doing today?" (Co-worker now pulls up chair beside my desk)
CJ's Brain: S*$t. Maybe if I just keep on typing they will get the clue.
Co-Worker: "Are you all set for Christmas? What are your holiday plans?"
CJ: "Oh you know, just the usually family thing. What about you?"
CJ's Brain: Big dummy! Never ask them questions. Now you're screwed. Here comes the ear lock.
Co-Worker: "Well my daughter who lives in Florida is coming up with the grandkids. You know we haven't see them in over six months. It' tough with her husband's new job for them to get away much. "
CJ's Brain: Do I have a hair appointment this weekend? Is there a 10:00 meeting today?
Co-Worker: "They'll get here sometime on Friday. We'll pick them up from the airport and then maybe head out to dinner. Saturday we'll just take it easy. Then on Sunday we have our annual cookie bake which will be great this year now that the grandkids are old enough to participate. Monday is Christmas Eve of course so we'll be yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda...
CJ's Brain: Please stop talking. Please oh please oh please stop. Are my ears bleeding yet?
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Four bucks for Oreos is too much to pay.
Mini Bar, Mini Bar one more quick lookie
Give up that Sprite before I choke on my cookie.
Mini Bar, Mini Bar what's that you say?
Your Macadamia nuts are quite fresh today?
Mini Bar, Mini Bar you've won again,
Mini Bar, Mini Bar you're not my friend.
Monday, December 10, 2007
So what if you are center stage in a mall full of people sitting in a dental chair, your mouth all full of trays of whitening gel and a bright blue light beaming onto your face. The protective goggles will neatly conceal your identity until you are ready to impress the world with your new look. You'll be the bell of the ball this holiday season!
If you don't believe me, just ask this satisfied customer!
Photo courtesy of Cathy T (aka Mrs. Moto)
Friday, December 7, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
This is my second pain of Christmas. Why? Because ten Poinsettias won't fit in one cart or can't be brought out to the car in one trip. The dogs think they make a tasty snack. And the leaves fall off and make a mess.
When all is said and done however, they really do look beautiful and they do fill the house with Christmas spirit and warmth. I guess they're not such a pain after all. Not like those outdoor lights that I still haven't strung.
Side Note :From all that I have read, these plants are not poisonous so I don't wig out when the dogs start munching on them. But don't hold me responsible if your Fluffy gets sick after eating a whole plant in one sitting.
Monday, December 3, 2007
The smaller variety, shown here, is native to North America. This species, known as the Coco Reindeer, is extremely rare. Weighing only 6 - 8 lbs, this reindeer has many of the same attributes as her larger cousin in the tundra. And of course, like all reindeer, the Coco Reindeer can fly.
Friday, November 30, 2007
The sky reminded me of that saying my mother used to always quote - "Red sky in morning, sailors take warning. Red sky at night, sailors delight". It works better for this post than my sister's saying "If red, raise the head. If pale, raise the tail". My sister has a sailor saying but I can't repeat that here.
Ok, ok, I stumbled out of bed and took these while I was still half asleep. No motorcycles or martinis involved. Happy Friday!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Small But Wiry Guard: "Don't worry, I ran her over with my walker. She's flat on the living room rug."
Guard With An Attitude:"Would you video my son already?!"
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
--"I don't even have a camcorder yet. What are you talking about?"
--"I saw your blog about the camcorder."
--"You read my blog? I thought you just read it when I asked you to."
--"I read your blog all the time."
Oh, oh. My niece, who shall be known as SJ for this post, noticed a previous post which contained the following reference to her son, my great nephew:
Geez, had I known you read my blog so much, I would have posted this picture sooner. Remember the 80's SJ? Are those my glasses? I wonder if you'll see this?
Don't film boring things and then attempt to share them with friends. The great nieces and nephews may be cute, but no one wants to see two hours of them opening presents or eating cake. I don't even want to see that.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
One half box party pack cracker assortment
One 4 ounce block Sharp Cheddar cheese
One 4 ounce block Smoked Gouda cheese
Two bottles Truro Vineyards White Table Wine, chilled
Open box of crackers and remove from package. Place crackers on plate. Open cheese. Cut cheese into slices and place on plate next to crackers. Open first bottle of wine and pour into glasses. Enjoy! Serves 2 - 3, depending on how much fun you are having (or want to have).
Friday, November 16, 2007
Two names you go by (besides your given name):
2. Schwetty (don't ask)
Two things you are wearing right now:
2. Winnie the Pooh unmentionables (not as sexy as Stiffy's thong but still cute)
Two longest car rides:
1. Drive to Montreal - worth the trip, a fun city
2. Drive to Florida - remind me not to do that again
Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Ride my Motorcycle
Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. Purchase a camcorder (hopefully today)
2. My mother to stop driving my sister crazy (will never happen)
Three animals you have or have had:
1. Yorkies - Coco and Cierra
2. Cats - Bustapher, Gertie, Biff
3. Hamster -Chippy
Three people who will (hopefully) fill this out:
Three Things you ate today:
3. Nothing - it's still early
Two things you're doing tomorrow:
2. Going to Opa Opa I hopa hopa
Two favorite holidays:
2. July 4th - Nothing beats PTown on July 4th!
Two favorite beverages:
2. Sam Adams
Tag! You're it! Your turn!
After weeks of research and deliberation, I have finally decided on a camcorder to purchase. With this purchase however, comes a certain amount of responsibility. So, before my camcorder arrives, I am publicly announcing the ground rules for the aforementioned item.
- Don't film boring things and then attempt to share them with friends. The great nieces and nephews may be cute, but no one wants to see two hours of them opening presents or eating cake. I don't even want to see that.
- Everyone must be fully clothed in all videos.
- Rule 2 can be ignored on Friday and Saturday after 9:00 PM.
- The camcorder is to be safely locked away in situations where alcohol may be consumed.
- Rule 4 can be ignored if Rule 2 has been bypassed.
- Permission should be asked and granted before filming unsuspecting individuals.
- Rule 6 can be ignored if it makes for good video that would be a big hit on the Internet.
- No one is allowed to borrow the camcorder. If I'm going to get caught on tape doing something that is immature, illegal or embarrassing, it is not going to be captured on something I bought and paid for. I shouldn't have to worry about this unless Rules 2 and 4 are not being enforced.
- Co-workers will not be informed of or granted access to my YouTube account.
- Rule 9 can never be ignored.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Newly listed! Sunshine abounds in this one birdroom condo on quiet street. Easy flight to gourmet bird feeders and public bath. Newer construction with only one previous owner. The high ceilings and open floor plan make this a must see! Open House this Saturday, 6:00 AM - 9:00 AM. Call Robin at Cardinal Realty for more information.
Monday, November 12, 2007
I once worked in the women's clothing department in a large discount retail store in Springfield. I never got to announce a blue light special, but I could frequently be heard over the intercom saying "Housekeeping to the women's dressing room with a mop". Apparently not having a bathroom in the store was not about to stop some people from relieving themselves. Luckily I had my wisdom teeth ripped out that summer and it gave me an excuse to call in frequently.
I also worked as a counselor at a sports camp. I had always been athletic, but swimming and gymnastics were not two of my strong points and they were both big events at this camp. My favorite game to play with my group of precious darlings was Campers Lie Still. The kid who could lie (or is it lay - I can never remember that) quietly on the grass without moving for the longest period of time was the winner. Parent's Day was always fun, especially when it came to my group and gymnastic equipment. Love the expression on Mom when her kid lands flat on her face while attempting a penny drop from the uneven bars. Oops. No tips for CJ.
Done whining now.
Friday, November 9, 2007
And what happened to Loony Balloony (also known as Super Elastic Bubble Plastic)? I remember needing to have a note to buy glue for my model airplanes yet I could buy this stuff at the corner store. I would slap a wad of it onto the red straw that came in the package and create awesome psychedelic colored balloons. Or maybe the balloons were clear, and I was too stoned from the polyvinyl acetate polymer benzene that was used to make the stuff to really know the difference. Lasting side effects? Maybe. Not any worse than having a Jart stuck in your head.
Ahh, good times.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
If I take my different pet's names and the street I was living on at the time, I can expand my list. I would have, in no particular order, the following names from which to choose:
- Biff Englewood
- Cierra Ventura
- Gertie Raymond
- Bustapher Rodman
- Coco Ellswood
I think these are way more creative than some of the names the porn stars of today are using. Not that I know any of these names. Except for one - and no, she is not a relative. I will leave it at that.
Only one rule:
Go to the Amazon Advanced Book Search and type your first name - or - your screen name into the "Title" field, and post the most interesting/amusing cover that shows up.
Thanks Chewy and Pijush! Nice to know there are a couple of manuals out there for me if I need one!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
These are some photos I took while on my commute home yesterday. The top photo is the Mass Pike in Newton. This part of the Pike always stinks. You are bumpa to bumpa (as they say in Bahhston) so it's easy for drivers to see into other people's cars, which is usually ok unless you are snapping photos. Then you get some odd stares. People are so uptight when it comes to this whole safe driving thing.
The middle photo shows commuting essentials. Obviously you have to be careful with the water consumption (refer to photo 1). The candy has been in my car for a month - it's just an emergency snack in case I need a little sugar pick me up while driving. No coffee, for it can create issues similar to the water. Books on tape are a great way to pass the time. Creepy books are not good because they make me think someone who is hiding in the way back of the car will eventually pop out and kill me.
The last photo is a shot of the sky around 5:15 pm. This was tricky to shoot because that damn guardrail kept trying to come into my lane.
Maybe next week I'll try taking some shots from a different angle, like the backseat.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Editor's Note: CJ has agreed to commute into the office 4 days a week for the next month or so (as opposed to her usual three days). Posts for the next fours weeks may appear childish, incoherent, or just plain stupid. In addition, expect more spelling errors than usual.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
When you're having more than one.
Schaefer's pleasure doesn't fade
Even when your thirst is done.
The most rewarding flavor
In this man's world.
For people who are having fun, fun, fun, fun, ....
Schaefer is the one beer to have
When you're having more than one.
Apparently this little diddy also works well with Pabst Blue Ribbon. However, when drinking Spaten Octoberfest, you can not go one for one with your buddies who are consuming the two aforementioned beers.
Where's my Advil?
I'll be honest - I do miss it a little bit. But not enough to want to go back.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
So I walk back up the stairs to the garage office on the third floor and summon one of the employees. He follows me down to the scene and attempts to see if he can get a response from this man. Turns out, the guy is just sleeping one off. Feeling better about the situation, I head out of the garage and continue on my way to the office.
Parking garage in Boston - $35.00 per day, hotel accommodations - $250.00 per night, combining the two - priceless (literally).
Saturday, October 13, 2007
I'm not sure why, but for some reason I got the feeling I was supposed to post this today. After my Father passed away, my Mother sold the house that they lived in for 40+ years. My father passed in the house. Right after we sold it, I went back in and took pictures of all the rooms. I've seen in various shows and publications where they discussed orbs - those round bubble looking objects that sometime appear in photos. They are supposed to be the energy of those that have passed. I took pictures of every room in the house with a disposable camera. When I got the prints developed, the only room that showed anything that looked like an orb was the room in which my father passed. I agree that it could have been something with the film, lighting, or the camera itself. I just thought it was odd that the only picture that showed this was the aforementioned room. And the orb appears over the area in which he passed.
Anyway, since this blog is named after you Ernie (in a round about way), here's the picture.
Side note: My father passed on the 13th of January 2003. I just noticed the post date. Not the same month obviously, but the same day of the month. Probably doesn't mean anything.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
A national group is accusing a local state representative of lying to voters.The National Organization for Marriage posted a billboard off I-91 calling Representative Angelo Puppolo a traitor.The billboard titled Betrayed compares Puppolo to Judas and Benedict Arnold, because the group says during his campaign he promised to vote for putting a question on next year's ballot that would ban same sex marriages in the Bay State. But Puppolo voted against the question, and the New Jersey based organization says this is a betrayal to voters.
From Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad:
"In Iran, we don't have homosexuals, like in your country."
To Members of The National Organization for Marriage:
It would be my great pleasure to start a relief organization to finance your relocation to an area where you would be free from the number one scourge of this country - homosexual marriage. I'm sure President Ahmadinejad would welcome you with open arms.
Hugs and Kisses,
- Winta Tigha - Those 4 round rubber objects you put on your car (cah) so you can drive through the snow.
- I'm onnit like a honnit - To jump onto a task and stick with it until completion.
- Kahkeys - Casual pants, can be worn in the office or down the Cape. " I like to buy my kahkeys at L.L. Bean."
- Your sister's ass - Usually used as an expletive or said in a moment of frustration. Emphasis should be on the word 'ass'.
- The Pole - Refers to the street sign outside one's residence. Examples include Resident Parking, Tow Zone, Commercial Vehicles Only, and the like. "I need to take the dog out to the pole".
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Cider donuts, apple pies,
Football snacks and mugs of beer,
It's time to stop, it's time to quit,
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
"Hey CJ, I have five boys. What about you, any kids?"
"No, I hate kids. You can't legally crate them like you can dogs. Ughhh, what I meant to say was I just plain forgot to have them. That's why I look so much younger than you. Ummm, no really, I love kids. It's just that I have awesome great nieces and nephews and I can play with them when ever I want and then I can return them. (CJ thinking - I'm in really deep you know what now). Hey, that's a great dress you're wearing. Husband? Oh no. Never married. None worthy. Actually I like girls. Yeah, it was a shock to me too. (CJ thinking again - Oh &^%$*, why did I bother coming here). Springfield College. No, I didn't major in PE. Ok, sounds great, we should get together sometime. Nice to see you too."
Ahh yes, a few more months of practice is probably a good thing.
Monday, October 1, 2007
"As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured."—New York, Sept. 26, 2007
Pay more attenton to the spell checker CJ and while youre at it, watch the grammer two, is you or is you not a colledge graduate?
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
So, I'm off once again to check in on Mom. Hopefully the happy drugs have kicked in and I can get her to smile a bit. I'm thinking tonight is going to be a good night for a martini.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
From HANNA SIEGEL Sept. 22, 2007 on http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment:
The book publisher for Maureen McCormick, who played Marcia Brady on the 1970s sitcom "The Brady Bunch," is shooting down rumors that she had a lesbian on-set affair with co-star Eve Plumb, who played her younger sister Jan.
Monday, September 24, 2007
I'll be the first to admit I am a total klutz. I can be walking along and boom - suddenly I am down on one knee, having tripped over a pebble or a stray blade of grass. I fell in downtown Boston, on the sidewalk, on my way to lunch one day. That was fun. A young woman stopped to ask me if I was alright. I thought that was very nice of her, except for the fact that she called me ma'am, probably because she thought only the elderly and infirm could drop that like that.
When I was a kid, I crashed my 5 speed into a parked car - twice. There I was peddling with my head down one minute and practically sitting on someones trunk the next. That smarted. Good thing it wasn't a boy's bike.
I guess a quick trip is better than never getting away at all.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
It's odd because I have another pair exactly like the one I wore today. Yes, I can hear you saying 'That's not funny CJ'. I will wear that pair tomorrow to get things back in synch.
I showed up to work once with my shirt inside out. That was worse.
Yes, it is pretty amazing that I make it to work at all some mornings. I think I need to go to bed earlier.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
The first trip of the season to the Big E is basically a scouting mission for me. I try to cover as much ground as possible, making mental notes of all the things I will pick up on rounds two and three. So far this year I have determined that I need handmade soap and Cheddar cheese from the Vermont Building, and maybe some more flannel PJs. I've already had my Maine baked potato and decided that one was not enough - I will have to have another one before the week is out. The jury is still undecided as to which state makes the best maple cream, although the sample I had in the Massachusetts building was pretty darn good. I need to pick up a jar of that as well. And I need at least two big bags of Kettle Korn from New Hampshire.
Round two will hopefully occur before the week is out. And next time I will choose to visit either the Beer Garden OR the martini tent. Not both, at least not on the same trip.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Outraged, I went to the community forums on masslive.com (http://www.masslive.com/) and posted my thoughts on the matter, asking if anyone had seen this truck in the area before or knew who the company may be. I had a few responses to my post, basically asking me what my problem was and why did I think this was such a big deal. I responded by stating that if this had been a comment about a particular religious organization or a group of white folks of European descent, more people in this community would be outraged. When I went back this morning, my entire post and all the comments had been deleted.
I am very surprised that there are people in my community that think the 'F' word is acceptable. Obvioulsy there is still a lot of interloerance out there. Too bad.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Today is Saturday, which means I get a break from driving to my job in Boston. I love what I do and I honestly don't hate my commute. By the end of the week however, I can get fairly tired from the trip. So, in order to stay sharp on my drive, I've adopted the following strategy to make things more fun,interesting and bearable.
Talk on the phone. Talk a lot. And don't use your blue-tooth wireless set up either. It's more challenging getting in and out of Boston if you have one hand on the wheel and one up to your ear.
Send text messages. Nothing says 'I love you' like a text message sent from a friend while navigating bumper to bumper traffic on the Mass Pike. My preferred technique - look down and type, look up for a quick lane check, back down again to type.
Scan the newspaper. No better time to get caught up on the days events than while you are just sitting in your car doing nothing.
Take mini-naps. Once you establish a path of travel, throw on the cruise control. If your lane is clear for as far as your eye can see, take a quick snooze to recharge.
And finally, if you see a silver 4-Runner near you on the Mass Pike between 5:15 and 7:00 (AM or PM), get out of the way. It's me.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Whose zipper decided to slide.
So sad she didn't know,
Until the very end of her show,
And the whole group saw her pants open wide!
Sorry but I just could not resist. I will not let your identity out of the barn (door that is).
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Thursday, August 9, 2007
For some reason, bath time in Chicopee was more like a day at the beach. I would suite up with my girlie grandma white undies, diving mask, and occasionally a snorkel. And no, this was not when I was 14. It was when I was 12. Just kidding.....
Anyway, I guess the Summer Olympics must have been that year because for some reason I thought diving was a cool sport that could be done from just about anywhere - diving boards, cliffs, pool ladders, and yes, the bathroom floor. So with my Mom as an audience I took a flying leap into the back edge of the tub, head first, white undies flying up and into the 8 inches of water that filled my indoor pool. Now mind you, I had a pool out in the yard so there was no reason for me to think that the only way I could go swimming was in the tub. But for some reason I thought if I could do it outside, why not right here right now.
Needless to say, instead of a gold medal, I received a large Grade A Jumbo egg to the top of my forehead. And by some miracle of miracles, I did not break my neck or sustain permanent injury. Unless of course, you consider my current mindset, which still has a tendency to think doing dumb things is OK. Did I ever tell you about the time I ate the dirt from my sandbox?......
Technorati tagname Chicopee
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
I do not want to give the impression that I go around making a slob of myself trouser coughing in public any chance I get. I appreciate a good Dutch oven as much as the next person, but I am generally very private when in comes to things that occur from the waist to the knees. So, don't worry those of you that know me. You can still be seen out in public with me and I will behave, for the most part.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
- Because a girl sitting on a bike is hotter than a girl sitting on a guy.
- Because even though my bike has nice pipes, I don't have to touch them.
- Because I can lock my bike in the garage when I am done with it for the day.
- Because the only rubber I am interested in is the one on my tires.
- Because I can ride for hours without my bike getting tired.