Some of you know that for the last few months, my mother Irene has been living in a nursing home. She's doing well and should be headed back to my sister's house soon.
One of her new friends at the nursing home is a very sweet Japanese woman, who for the purposes of this post, shall be called Rosie. Rosie is petite, has red hair, and zips around the halls in her electric wheelchair.
Last Saturday while we were visiting, Irene, totally serious, told Rosie that she looked about the same age as her daughter (me). Turns out, Rosie is 70. Thanks Mom.
When I mentioned something about Rosie being Asian, my mother looked puzzled. Later that evening, when my sister was visiting, the following conversation occurred:
Irene: "Did you know Rosie was Asian?" Sister: "Yes." Irene: "How did you know that?" Sister: "I looked at her." Irene: "Oh, I thought she was Irish."
No, that would be me. The Irish 46 year old that looks 70.
Federal fucking jury duty?! From September 7th - October 29th?! NOOOOOOO!
Five reasons why I can't do this (and that the judge won't give a shit about):
1. I'm the project lead on a major software upgrade at work and the only full time application developer for this product. That time frame coincides with the middle of the project.
2. I have an MD appointment in October that I scheduled back in March.
3. I have a mammogram that I scheduled last September.
4. I hate jury duty.
5. Women's Week in Provincetown, The Eastern States Exposition, leaf peeping in Vermont - need I say more?
I don't believe jury duty is my civic obligation. I think it's a civic obligation not to get arrested.
So how do I get out of this? Maybe mention on my questionnaire that I was verbally accosted by an Irish Muslim transsexual born-again South American blind dwarf? Does that cover all the bases? Should I show up to jury duty wearing my Winnie The Pooh pajamas, a cowboy hat, and penny loafers?
Cierra Belle has been in the pool more times this year than we have. After all, it is her pool (at least that is what she thinks). I'm hoping to get my lily white body in there this weekend without blinding the neighbors. Put on your sunglasses everyone one, here I come!
Now please excuse me, I have to go outside and vacuum Cierra's pool.