Martini Cartwheels

Given my recent eating frenzy, I thought a re-post of this may be in order: Pumpkin this and pumpkin that, Fall is here and I feel fat. Cider donuts, apple pies, Adding inches to my thighs. Football snacks and mugs of beer, Up a size oh dear, oh dear. It's time to stop, it's time to quit, I think I felt my pants just split. Yeah Fall!!!!!!

No, I'm not hunched over from stomach cramps. But I should be. We have been to The Big E five times this season (so far). I have consumed so much fried food that I am going to have to eat oatmeal with every meal for the next five years in order to get my cholesterol back in check. I'm eating some right now. Here's a partial list: fried Oreos, fried Snickers, fried corn kernels, fried camembert cheese, apple pie with cheese, baked potato with cheese, blueberry crisp, cheese curds, pizza, nachos, cheese plate (with grapes = healthy), lobster rolls, maple cream cone (like maple syrup but in cream form), blueberry juice (another healthy choice), polish plates (pierogi, kapusta, kielbasa), and a reuben sandwich. And of course, craft beer from around New England. Gluttony. Pure gluttony. And I loved every bite.

You can see a lot of interesting things at a State Fair. These alien dolls seemed a little out of place to me. Not as out of place however, as the beer bellied dude wearing a t-shirt that read "I'm Not A Gynecologist But I'll Take A Look." Funny, because I'm not a proctologist - but I can spot an ahole a mile away. Bet you meet a lot of women that way stud.

Bummer! While this person was sitting on the grass cracking jokes with a friend, our spy cam captured this shot. Ok, ok, not nice I know. Probably a new low, even for me. Butt it wasn't my idea - it was Stiffy's. And besides, wouldn't you feel a little breeze if your backside was exposed like this?

September is one of the worst driving months of the year. Back to school, back to work - where were all these maniacs all summer? I've had a few 2.5 hour morning commutes and even some 3 hour ones. I pass the time by listening to talk radio, talking on the phone, pulling into the rest area for coffee, and flipping off the other drivers. Hey - it ain't easy commuting with all those Massholes. I stopped for coffee on the way home the other day, something I usually don't do. I pulled up to the drive-thru, placed my order, and answered politely with a "Yes, Sir" when asked if the order was complete. Unfortunately when she handed me my coffee and repeated what I owed, the voice coming out of this body matched the voice that came out of the speaker when I ordered my beverage. Whoops. That'll teach me to be so freaking polite.

Had a nice visit today with Irene. Above is a picture of a bracelet she made. She was wearing it but told me she didn't really like it. I said I would take it. It reminds me of her when I wear it. Irene: Have you seen Sonny Bono lately on the TV? Me: No. Sonny Bono? [Irene with puzzled look] Me: You mean Chaz Bono? Irene: Oh yes, Chaz. Who was Sonny? His father? Me: Yes. Irene: Imagine all he has been through to change his body. Me: Yeah, quite a bit. Irene: How do you make a penis? I didn't answer. I mean, if I told her (2 cups flour, pinch of salt, 1/2 cup of beer, and 2 eggs) she wouldn't remember anyway. **For those of you new to my Irene posts, Irene is my 86 year old Mother. She is currently residing in a nursing home, much to her to chagrin.

Please tell me why riding a bicycle was easier on my one speed banana seat bike then it is on my 21 speed. Blondie and I had purchased bikes many years ago and never really used them much. Well, we decided to get back on them this weekend. And apparently we now live in the hilliest section of the world. Up and down, up and down (my head bobbing for oxygen, not the terrain.) Bike shorts? I never had bike short as a kid. So why does my ass hurt despite all the padding on my behind? (No comments on the padding please - it is implied that some of the padding is built into the shorts and some is natural.) Blondie is a good riding partner. She is constantly looking over her shoulder to make sure I haven't collapsed during the climb. Of course, in my bright orange biking shirt she may just mistake me for a traffic cone one day and keep right on going. Happy Labor Day! Keep on pedaling.

Yes, I say that outfit was 50% off. Leave it to Blondie to notice this window display as we were walking through the mall this afternoon. I'm not quite sure what the buy one get one refers to. I thought these things were usually sold in pairs.