Martini Cartwheels

My mother regretted her decision to steal my Otter Creek Octoberfest when she realized I'd press charges.

I've had a couple of bad days. Last night my cat of 14 years was euthanized. That sucked. Really sucked. I've lost pets before but this was a tough one for me. I've never stayed in the room - although my vet just lets you stay for the sedation part and once the pet is asleep (literally), you leave the room and he finishes the procedure. It's hitting me harder this evening I think. Then tonight on my commute home I was having a conversation with my niece (she's an adult - 38 years old), when she starts having a reaction to some injections she had in her neck for a disc issue. She tells me she needs to turn around and go back to the hospital. She's driving in Boston and I'm 75 miles away in western Mass. I call her back a few minutes later and she's gasping for air, saying the something about an ambulance, and having a hell of time trying to getting the words out. I pull the car over, scared out of my mind, and tell her stay on the phone with me. Then i...

I'm in the stall, I shut the door. I hear your feet and then see more Than just your shoes across the floor. In your hand I think I spy A camera lens and great big eye That's staring down my whoopee pie.

I pass this restaurant every day on my way to and from work. I notice it because of the name. Right next to the restaurant is a strip club. I notice it because of the colorful neon sign. If you think the outside is a little tacky, you should see the inside. Just kidding. The inside actually isn't too bad.

The new gym equipment has been delivered and set up. One treadmill? Check! One elliptical? Check? One big bum? Check! The original equipment, one ab machine, a treadclimber, a total gym, and a heavy bag (not shown) are there as well. They were just not any fun. And they were not working (you actually have to use them to see any improvement.) So it's let's keep the old and bring in the new! This is the most important piece of equipment - the beer fridge. It is strategically placed next to the ab LOUNGER (caps intentional). The new equipment came with a couple of cup holders so we should be all set. I'm gearing up for some exercise later today by eating chocolate covered espresso beans and drinking a soda now.  All kidding aside, I am seriously going to try to get back in shape. I used to go to the gym 3-4 times a week at one point when I lived in Boston. Since I've moved out here however, the long commute has given me a big excuse to plop myself on the couch at night.   ...

I'm preparing for the arrival of two new pieces of exercise equipment tomorrow by eating Lay's Potato Chips and a chocolate donut from The Whole Donut tonight. The treadmill and elliptical are on the way, I ate all summer and now must pay. But I don't think it is a sin, To have donut crumbs on my chin, Although I'd prefer glazed I must say. Glazed, as opposed to chocolate. Get your minds out of the gutter people.

Our buddy Rizzo from Vancouver and The 100 Day Season came for a visit this past weekend. Rizzo is cool, even if she did snap a picture of me in the stall. Here are some pics from our evening out. First stop, the Hu Ke Lau restaurant. After that, it was play time in Northampton. Love ya buddy! *I'm thinking this slideshow is probably not too exciting but I wanted to try playing around a bit with iPhoto. Some of the pics seem to be chopped a bit, but it was still fun playing around with app.

Dear AssWipe Who Eff'd Up The Lawn Last Night, I so want to thank you for your total lack of respect for other's property.  I've always said, why drive 20 extra feet to turn around in a driveway when you can just pull a u-ey on someone's grass.  I wish I had looked out the window when I heard you speeding down the street. Not that I could have done anything to reverse the brain damage from which you currently suffer, but at least I could have given you the 'ol one finger salute and swore at you under my breath (don't want to wake the neighbors - that would be impolite). I would very much like to meet you so I can place my foot up your ass. Sideways. Enjoy the rest of your weekend and please try to keep your tires on the road dickhead. Lots of Love, CJ

My 84 year old mother, who weighs about 90 pounds soaking wet, told me during our phone conversation today that I needed to lose weight. Something about beer and calories, long commutes, chips and dip, no exercise, blah blah blah blah. I didn't think that was very nice. So I'm making her assemble some new exercise equipment when it arrives on Tuesday. That will teach her. I hope she doesn't have a hard time getting that treadmill and elliptical machine down to the basement. I don't want to see any scratches on the wall or on the machines. Tell me I need to lose weight.... Hmmph .