Martini Cartwheels

Cookie swap, cookie swap, oh cookie cookie swap. It's that time of year again :)  Time to pick out our cookie for the annual cookie swap for our good friends McCheesy and McMeaty's party. Last year was an epic fail on my part.  Rum ball cookies that looked like dirt balls and tasted like shit balls. This year I am going to let Blondie pick out the recipe. I'm hoping she ups her game and does not choose the dreaded Potato Chip Cookie again. While no where near as bad as the Extra Rummy In My Tummy Rum Balls, they were not the hit you would think they would be. It's stressful. There is some tough competition at this event. But after one or two bottles  glasses of wine, I start to relax and just enjoy myself. So all your Julia and Martha wanna bees, what's the treat that can't be beat?* *While technically there is no competition involved here, I consider our cookie to be a winner if 1) I  don't cut myself with any sharp implements during the prep...

Remember when you were in grammer school and you used to go around passing out Valentine's Day cards to your classmates? And those candies - the ones with the little sayings like "Be Mine", "Purr-fect", "Love You", "You're A Prick". Ahhh, the good 'ol days. If you could only pass out a candy heart with one saying, what would that saying be? I'm torn between "I Rarely Wear Underwear But When I Do, I Wear Granny Panties" (not sure if that would fit on one side of the candy however) and "With Enough Pinot Grigio, You're Pretty". And you?

Eating. Yup, that's how I am spending my week off. Yesterday it was lunch at the Salem Cross Inn in West Brookfield, MA. According to their website: The Salem Cross Inn is named for the witch-mark found on the front door-latch of the Inn. In the town of Salem and throughout the Bay Colony this mark was used to protect their inhabitants against "ye evills of witchcraft and diverse other manifestations of deviltry." You can see the hexmark in the picture above. It obviously doesn't protect the inhabitants against gluttony, as I cleaned every morsel off my plate. I then got on my broom and flew home, whereupon I stretched out on the floor and fell asleep in front of the fireplace. When I awoke, it was time for a snack. Peanut brittle - from the box to my mouth with not one conscious thought as to my caloric intake for the day. And guess what? It's time for breakfast and I could really go for some pancakes. Wonder what my New Year's resolution should be. Oh yeah,...

This has not been a productive year for me with blog posting at all. One of my resolutions is to try to be better. Promise, promise, promise. The other thing I promise is to not pretend I am Stiffy when she forgets to log out of her Facebook account on my iPad. Sure, I thought it was important to let the world know that Stiffy loves to sing and crochet, that she felt like tap dancing, and that she was looking to buy a used horse to ride to work. But still, it wasn't nice of me. Sorry Stiffy. And tell your aunt she can stop looking for that horse for you. On a totally different topic, I received a very cool Christmas gift from Blondie. It's called a fitbit and it is the neatest gadget. I clip it to my pants and it tracks my steps, calories, and flights of stairs. There is an application to use in conjunction with the fitbit in which you can enter your weight, food, and water intake. Now here is the ultra cool thing it does - it tracks my sleep when I wear it at night. All the ...

Models in poses and gin from Great Britain, tight summer t-shirts that show of your tittens, white takeout styrofoam full of hot wings, these are a few of my favorite things. Gold colored Yorkies but not dancing Poodles, hair gels and sport gels and notepads with doodles. Blue pouches that carry a Tiffany ring, these are a few of my favorite things. Dykes on big Harley's with loud pipes that do scream, cute Femmes that ride on the back of those machines, silver white hair that the years often bring, these are a few of my favorite things. When the wine spills, when your kid steals, when you're drunk a tad, Just simply remember Martini Cartwheels, and then you won't feel so bad. Apologies to Julie Andrews and the Von Trapps for mangling this otherwise beautiful song.

Every year around this time, our neighbor McCheesy and her husband McMeaty host a cookie swap. It's a really great event, something Blondie and I always look forward to. There's fun people, amazing food, and cookies galore. The premise of the event is simple. Everyone brings 5 dozen cookies to share with the group. In return, each person gets to go home with a ton of various types of delicious cookies. One of the highlights of the afternoon is when all the ladies gather round the living room to discuss what type of confection they made and what inspired them to do so. It usually goes something like this: "I made a petite double layer chocolate cookie with crème fraîche and toasted almonds." "This year I tried my hand at making cookies with white ganache and fresh organic strawberries." "I went with my all time favorite recipe, peanut butter melt-a-ways with marshmallow fondant." Then comes our turn: "This year Blondie and I went all...

Shopping. Agghh. I went the mall today. And I've been a bad holiday shopper. One gift for you, one for me. Today I came home with a perfume called Beyoncé Heat (for women). I lean more towards spicy colognes found at the men's counter. There's something about this perfume however, that I really like. So when I found it on sale, I bought a gift set for myself that included perfume, lotion, and body wash. And let me tell you, I can't wait to take a shower tomorrow with Beyoncé. Happy shopping. {Smile}

Happy New Year! I hope you all had a wonderful New Year's Eve! We had a great night hanging with our good friends H and B, eating lots of fattening food, drinking beer, and laughing. My buddy Ronia and I are starting a new blog today, take 365 pictures , where the goal is for each of us to shoot and post one picture per day for one year. Ronia lives in Vancouver, I live in western Massachusetts. I'm looking forward to this new project. Here is another ink blot test for those of you up to the challenge. This is another recent picture from the pool cover. I think it looks like streptococcus. Or a sex toy. Have a wonderful holiday everyone.

1. Secure yourself good parking by circling the mall chanting "Parking Mojo, Parking Mojo." This will help you to find a spot close to an entrance. Keep your middle finger at the ready just in case. Mall parking knows no holiday spirit. 2. Once inside, head right to one of the large department stores. It's pretty much a given that they will be having sales on everything from kitchen products to sweaters. Then convince yourself that you have found the perfect gift, even if you know it is something the recipient won't really like. They are lucky you are buying them anything. 3. Take your purchases and yourself to the nearest restaurant in the mall. Belly up to the bar, throw your bags on the floor and order a tall one. This is your gift to yourself for venturing out to the mall when you could have just been relaxing on the couch. The taller the beer, the better the shopping experience.

I received a holiday catalog from a country store north of Massachusetts. I won't say the state, because I don't typically like to name businesses, unless of course they make a good vodka or micro-brew. I was excited to take a peak at it today. Nothing like a big picture of Santa on a country store catalog to stir up a little holiday spirit. Cozy nightgowns,cakes, candies, toys, and wait....what's this.....oh my.... an intimate massager in several different styles including discrete delight and dual pleasure?! Imagine my shock and surprise when I came across (no pun intended) that little jewel when all I wanted was some maple syrup. And to think I was going to let my Mother borrow this catalog. Well, she can't have it now. It's mine.

This beautiful basket is a gift from H & B. I'm pretty sure, with a little reinforcement, that it can double as a pool float this summer. The thing is huge and filled with lots and lots of goodies, including several varieties of hot chocolate, boxes and bags of chocolate candy, and a bottle of chocolate liquor. It was opened this morning, just in time for breakfast. Yummy! I'm now looking forward to lunch. Thank you H & B! You two rock!

Ahh Thanksgiving - to me it means spending time with family and friends and just taking time to enjoy the people in our lives who really mean so much. You can see the love for me emanating from my niece. I can just tell by the look in her eye that I am her favorite aunt. Being four months pregnant has just given her such a glow don't you think? Just scroll down and take a look for yourself. I am so telling your mother.

Why couldn't the witch have any babies? Because her husband had a Halloweenie! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I know Evacuation Day doesn't officially occur until March 17th, but I couldn't wait to start the celebration. It's one of my favorite Suffolk County holidays! And besides, who doesn't love a three day weekend in the middle of March that just happens to coincide with St. Patrick's Day. Ok, for those of you still confused, here's the low down. In March of 1776 the Continental troops forced the British army to evacuate Boston. In 1901 Evacuation Day was created as an official holiday to be celebrated in Suffolk County, Cambridge, and Somerville. Even though I do not live in Boston anymore, working there does have some perks. And this is one of them. As is Bunker Hill day in June but that's a topic for another post. So fire up your muskets and grab a mug of green beer. It's time to celebrate!

It's January 2nd. How may resolutions have you kept so far? Less Swearing - Broke that at 12:10 AM 01.01.08. Well, who gives a S#*T about that one anyway. Exercise - Does bowling and Guitar Hero on the Wii count? (Perhaps Chewy can answer that). Eat Better - I have been snacking on chips that have 30% less fat. I ate 30% more to make up the difference. No Beer For A Year - Gonzo. Beer x1 at 5:00 pm January 1st. Go To Bed Earlier - Yes, I kept that one! I was in bed by 9:25PM last night. Good luck to you all on your resolutions. May you have better luck than I.

If you are like most people, you probably have already seen about 100 of these already. But for those of you that have not had the pleasure, it's time to go and Elf Yourself! Click to see a holiday message from CJ the elf .

These bags contain the ten Poinsettias I bought. I put them on the floor below a table on which a small Christmas tree sits. One or two wouldn't look right. I need ten. Ten looks good. So I suck it up and I buy ten. I'm too accustomed to having them around at Christmas not to buy them. This is my second pain of Christmas. Why? Because ten Poinsettias won't fit in one cart or can't be brought out to the car in one trip. The dogs think they make a tasty snack. And the leaves fall off and make a mess. When all is said and done however, they really do look beautiful and they do fill the house with Christmas spirit and warmth. I guess they're not such a pain after all. Not like those outdoor lights that I still haven't strung. Side Note :From all that I have read, these plants are not poisonous so I don't wig out when the dogs start munching on them. But don't hold me responsible if your Fluffy gets sick after eating a whole plant in one sitting.

The reindeer is a majestic animal that inhabits the frozen arctic tundra. It has adapted remarkably to a harsh,barren habitat where food is scarce much of the year. It is an excellent swimmer. Aided by a thick coat that traps air and gives good buoyancy in the water, it can easily swim across wide rivers. The smaller variety, shown here, is native to North America. This species, known as the Coco Reindeer, is extremely rare. Weighing only 6 - 8 lbs, this reindeer has many of the same attributes as her larger cousin in the tundra. And of course, like all reindeer, the Coco Reindeer can fly.

Tree is up. Got that out of the way today. My quads are killing me from going up and down the steep, rickety, pull down stairs that lead to the storage above the garage where the ornaments and decorations are stored. I have scratches on my arms from pulling down and straightening the fake branches. I broke at least 4 ornaments that I either dropped or that fell off the tree. The garland smells like it is made of hazardous chemicals. And the plastic tree needles leave some sort of residue on my hands, again probably something that is going to poison me. Can't wait to string the outside lights.