Martini Cartwheels

I may have been exaggerating slightly when I told my one of my besties that there was such a thing as pumpkin spice tampons. I laughed so hard at her response however, that I had to change my pumpkin spice panty liner.

There once was a girl on  a ferry, who's friends were feeling quite merry. As they crossed the ocean blue, here's what they decided to do. They made her bum look festive but scary.

Our good friend McMeaty came by with a little surprise for us - a bottle of bacon infused vodka. He suggested we try it in a Bloody Mary, which of course started the wheels turning in my head. What else could we concoct with this stuff? Fill a shot glass with bacon vodka and layer the top with Vermont maple syrup (the good stuff). I would call this shot "Breakfast". Line a rocks glass with iceberg lettuce, pour in 3 ounces of bacon vodka, and float a slice of tomato on the top. I would name this drink "Lunch". Take one scallop, place into a shot glass. Add once ounce bacon vodka. I call this one "Scallops Slapped in Bacon".  Fill a martini glass with meatloaf. Top with ketchup and bacon vodka. This drink would probably make you sick. We won't call it anything. Your ideas?

In the unlikely event we lose bladder pressure, grab the mask firmly and place it over your nose and mouth while continuing to breath normally - preferably before the device is used for for it's intended function. Personally I think that hole in the bottom needs to be a little wider, especially if you have rented a beer or two within the last few hours (you never actually "buy" beer as you don't get to keep it). Looks like there is serious potential for over-flow or back up which totally defeats the purpose. I need to go to be earlier on Friday and Saturday nights so my brain at least works partially on Sunday. Thanks to my buddy Red for the demo.

I thought I was having a bad week until I got this text from my pal Stiffy: Stiffy is having a hell of a week - want a good laugh?..I was picking Ty up @ schol...parked rite outside the door..leaving walking to car I trip over the curb & went down very hard on knees..couldn’t get up..skirt up in air & I have a thong on..everyone yelling OMG pull her skirt down..u poor thing u ok..get a chair..get ice...2 men had to lift me up in chair..nurse came out I’m surrounded by people...freaking nitemare...

I got the opportunity to reunite with my Goldie last night. Goldie was one my college roommates. We met in 1982, our freshman year, and lived a couple of rooms down from each other until senior year, when we got an off campus apartment with two other friends. We kept in close contact for several years but unfortunately lost touch about 12 years or so ago. A few months ago, she found me on Facebook. I just love my Goldie. She is one of the sweetest people I know. And hanging out with her, even after all those years, felt just as comfortable and fun as it did back when we were in college. Probably even more comfortable actually. Because this time I wasn't wearing spandex stirrup pants. Oh, and the name Goldie? It was the name of her dog. Goldie and Gretel reunited at last.

I'm in the stall, I shut the door. I hear your feet and then see more Than just your shoes across the floor. In your hand I think I spy A camera lens and great big eye That's staring down my whoopee pie.

Just one more reason why I love my friend Stiffy. She can tell it like it is....

My good friend Dawna Sirard is finishing up her film degree at Smith College this spring. And she just found out that her film, Neshomeleh, is being shown in New York City this Saturday at the Columbia University National Undergraduate Film Festival 2009 .   I think this is such a cool thing.  And it has nothing to due with the fact that I'm hoping Dawna will invite me to some really cool parties in LA once she becomes rich and famous. (What the heck am I going to wear? I hope she keeps it casual.) Maybe she'll cast me in her next feature as the quiet girl next door who somehow always ends up swimming half clothed in her pool on warm summer nights. Sorry - getting off track here. Good luck this weekend Dawna! I hope you come home with an award or two! And if any of you happen to be in NYC this weekend, this would be a fun thing to check out. Dawna's film and production company, Gush Films,  can be found on  The Internet Movie Database.

There's nothing I like to do more than spend a relaxing afternoon with friends, eating, drinking, and getting pierced. And no better place to do all of the above than Northampton, Mass. Miss H came in the room with me and shot these photos. I had my ears originally pierced years ago, but they were constantly getting infected every time I wore earrings and so I just stopped. This time I did it right and went to a professional piercer. I had my first two holes re-pierced in October and everything has been great since. I went back yesterday to finish the job. Really, I can't emphasize enough how much better it is to go the professional route and skip the piercing gun at the mall. You can hardly feel the needle and it's over in about a second.  This of course, led to the drinking topic of what you should and should not pierce. I'm thinking I may go for a couple of more holes in the ears, but I wouldn't do anywhere else on my face. Going lower of course, is always an opt...

Stiffy, you know I love you. But I can't hold back from commenting on this thing I found last week,neatly tucked away in the corner of your bedroom. At first glance I thought it was a cleaning supply caddy, gaily decorated with a strip of pink fur and some groovy day-glo daisy stickers. As if that were not bad enough, further inspection revealed several bottles of pink and frosty nail polish, a giant emery board, and what I believe to be something to keep your toes spread eagle while you happily sip red wine and pretty up your feet. I'll give you kudos for that gadget,despite the pink color, as it was in the shape of little martini glasses. But really Stiffy, this is just too girly girl, even for you. Now go put that thing away in the back of your closet behind your yellow sun dress. I am so buying you some motorcycle boots for you next birthday.