Martini Cartwheels

Here's an interesting texting typo I created last week: And if airline seats get any smaller, I can see this being an actual problem. Can you imagine? I'm sorry ma'am, but there is no way both of you can seat in one seat. You will have to purchase an additional ticket for "her". What would happen then? Would she want the window or middle seat? That's assuming she would even want to sit next to me. I mean, we are together 24/7 so she may want a little alone time, out in the open air, where she is free of any restraint. And what if she is chatty, flapping her lips the whole time? I'm not a big talker when I travel, preferring instead to bury my head in a magazine so I can take my mind off the flight and enjoy my Ativan. I imagine the conversation going as such: She:  I hate that bike seat at spin class. You have no idea what it's like. Me:  Spin class is only 50 minutes. You can handle it. I bought you padded shorts. Those weren't     ...

If you were charged full price at a restaurant and only got half a steak, you would probably complain. Well, I paid full price for an airline ticket and I expected a full size plane. Why is this considered an "express" flight? Maybe it's because you can only bring 8 items or less on your carry on. Otherwise, it won't fit under your seat or in the overhead purse. Half a plane warrants half a blog post. The end.

Ok, so nobody told me you are supposed to empty your pockets prior to stepping into the body scanner at the airport. And apparently, having your pocket light up on the screen is considered to be a bad thing by the TSA. Four pockets must be really bad since it warranted an emptying and examination of everything in my pockets, a pat down, a hand-swab-check-for-bomb-residue thingy, and an admonishing from the TSA agent for trying to put my shoes back on while waiting for the test results of said hand swab. Sorry! Here's what I had in my pockets: wallet, luggage keys on a key chain, money, gum, tissues, several individually wrapped hard candies, a pen, and folded up papers with flight info. The agent went through my wallet, opened my pack of gum ( I should have offered her some) , and felt up my jean's pockets, back and front. She was cute so I didn't mind. I just love a girl in a uniform. All for the common good right? Things just got better from that point on - a two hour de...