Posts

Meatstake

T his pescatarian ate meat this weekend - by accident. And, similar to how it felt when I kissed my new girlfriend, I liked it.  In my defense, it was chorizo. Chorizo was as foreign to my family growing up as Covid-19 vaccines are to Arkansans. So when I see it on the menu, my brain translates this: Lightly fried and tossed with sautéed chorizo, peppers, onions, garlic, and banana peppers
 in a light marinara sauce to this: Lightly fried and tossed with sautéed chorizo , no meat here - keep going and don't forget to order lobster as your main meal and also a good IPA, peppers, onions, garlic, and banana peppers
 in a light marinara sauce, you'll have garlic breath when you kiss aforementioned new girlfriend but no worries because she is also going to eat this. From here on in, it's RTFM - read the fish menu. 

No Stud Anywhere To Be Found

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Nailed it. Think I finally found the stud. And the screws, although stripped like a dancer at the Magic Lantern, are almost flush with the wall. Let's see what happens when I load this 7 foot tall case up with books. Stand back. Way back. 
To all my friends living in areas where there are windmill farms - please get yourself screened for windmill cancer. I heard the test is a real breeze.

But Can You Juggle?

Went for a check up last month and found out I'm an inch shorter than I used to be. Bought new shoes last week and found out I'm half a size bigger than I thought. Apparently my height is decreasing while my feet are elongating. At this rate I'll eventually be 4 feet tall with size 15 shoes. Add a red nose and a wig and I can spend my golden years as a circus clown.

There's A Draft In Here

Beer tip of the day. A few pints of a nice hoppy IPA followed by spoonfuls of maple pretzel peanut butter, Cheez-Its, and gulps of water may have the following side effects: sleeplessness, headache, nausea, vomiting, and disrupted sleep for other members of the household. On to more pressing matters, specifically an "Official Summons For Juror Service". Jury duty equals a day full of anxiety and stress for the following reasons: Courthouses are typically located in areas with limited parking It always seems to fall on a day when there is something important going on at work You are forced to sit for hours in a room full of strangers Raising your hand when you have to pee is embarrassing The worry that the sushi/chicken salad/blue cheese dressing/yogurt you ate the night before was actually a day past its expiration and will be letting you know that very soon **This post is a draft from a few months back that I never got around to finishing. So here is the update

Turning Up The Heat

It is July. Or as we like to call it, one more month to use the pool before it gets too cold in Massachusetts. I like my pool water to be about 89 degrees, more like a big hot tub minus the bubbles. I won't dry dive directly into the pool unless it is at this temp or higher.  Or maybe if I was being chased by zombies. (Assuming zombies can't swim and that chlorine makes their parts fall off). When I was about 4 years old I dove into the bathtub. It explains a lot I know. There was water in the tub, not that it mattered. It wasn't so much as a swan dive but a head first half jump/half roll into the back ledge. It left me with a nice egg on my forehead and a new appreciation for porcelain.  It was ok however because the water was warm . You know those people who do polar plunges into the ocean in January? I will never be one of those people. If I were Jack from the Titanic,  I would have clunked Rose over the head with that floating piece of wood and hauled my ass out of

A Limerick For The Fox News Dirty Old Man

My tribute to Bill O: There once was an old man from Fox news, who had very conservative views. He said watch this trick as he pulled out his ****, And now he is singing the blues.