Martini Cartwheels

I want to give a shout out to friend, fellow blogger and filmmaker, Laine, was interviewed Sunday evening on A World Of Progress Radio where she discussed her current project. I think this film is going to have it all - intrigue, drama, suspense. And it's based on lesbian characters. What more could a girl ask for? Please see Laine's website, Magnolia Bay Films , for additional details.

Mellow weekend. I spent Friday night and just about all of Saturday at home, sitting in front of the television watching shows with titles like "Lockup - Inside [Insert Name Here] Women's Penitentiary." There was a woman who hid four methadone pills in a body cavity which were discovered during a strip search. You know, sometimes I just want to bring an aspirin or two when I head out for the day. And not being one to carry a pocketbook - well, I guess I have my solution. But I'll take the vitamins before I leave the house. Those things are horse pills. Now if I could just find a place for my umbrella.

So if you heard the phrase "Can I just grab your extension?", you would be: a) Sitting in your living room watching a porno b) Having a fun time on a date c) In a meeting with me, wondering in amazement, why I would use that terminology to ask for a male co-worker's phone number. As soon as "grab" left my mouth, I knew the words were just spewing out with no thought process involved.

Do you have this problem too? You check all, and I mean all, the pockets before you put the pants in the washing machine. Then when you go to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer, you find a tattered mess of tissue sticking to everything. The Kleenex Fairy was not nice to me this morning. Unless I have started to stick a tissue up my sleeve (and I really hope I have not become my mother just yet), there is no way that this object was in any of the pants prior to me closing the lid on the washing machine. I think the Kleenex Fairy is in cahoots with the Sock Fairy - only difference being one gives and one takes.

If you're out of power and you know it, clap your hands. If you're out of power and you know it, clap your hands. If you're out of power and you know it, then your hair will truly show it, if you're smelly and you know it clap your dirty hands. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The problem with having a well is if the power goes out, you have no water. Which means you need to conserve toilet flushes. It takes about 2 gallons of water to fill the tank. Every day we have been filling up 5 one gallon plastic bottles at Blondie's parent's house and bringing them back home. Tonight we used up about 3 gallons as the tank was on E and the bowl was not. That's when I decided I had had enough. Time to start peeing outside. Blondie opened the front door as I was mid-stream and pointed her flashlight in my direction. As the beam reflected off my lilly white ass, I could have sworn I heard one of my neighbors exclaim "Honey! The power must have been restored! There's a spotlight coming from the lesbian's house!" Ok, maybe it was just my imagination. But it is our 6th night of being in the dark and I think I may be starting to hallucinate. Just a little bit. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad Location: My Driveway

All you really need is some snow, beer, bubblegum vodka, and turkey meatballs. Everyday there is no power,I move a more few inches toward induction into the White Trash Hall Of Fame. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Still no power, heat, or running water since this past Saturday. The latest update from the power company says we should have service Friday at midnight. We've eaten most of the junk food in the house. We have even finished off the light beer (oh the horror of it all!) I am on vacation this week which saves my coworkers from having to look at my bed head. Pretty. Signing off for now, Stinky McSmelly aka CJ - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone