Saturday, April 22, 2017

A Limerick For The Fox News Dirty Old Man

My tribute to Bill O:

There once was an old man from Fox news,
who had very conservative views.
He said watch this trick
as he pulled out his ****,
And now he is singing the blues.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Lessons from the Pulpit

I don't subscribe to any organized religion and the only time I find myself in a church is for a wedding or a funeral. The last couple of days however, I have been listening to snippets of Joel Osteen's radio broadcast. His words can be inspirational even for a heathen like myself. Joel's message seems similar to the law of attraction but with biblical references thrown in. I can almost relate.

Today's talk was about not holding on to anger and bitterness. In order to move forward in life, we can't be carrying around excess emotional baggage. That makes sense to me. Tell me more Joel!

Somebody cut you off on your commute? Drop it, leave it, let it go says Joel. Got your knickers in a twist about something that happened at work? Drop it, leave it, let it go. A friend of yours voted for Trump? Drop it, leave it, let it go. (That last one is my example and personal challenge of late.)

With Joel's sermon fresh on my mind, I pulled into the driveway and walked through the door. The dogs ran over to greet me in their usual manner. And because they missed me so much, they left me a present on the kitchen floor. In order to destroy the evidence, one of our clever little ones walked over to the Yorkie cigar and moved in for a bite. Suddenly the words that had been floating around in my head were now audible. "Drop it, leave it, let it go!"

It worked. Thank you Joel. I may be tuning in more often.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Are Those Your Spin Pants Or Are You Happy To See Me?

First post of 2017. Frankly, between a stressful 2016 and a bumpy start to 2017 I haven't felt funny. That is, until I wore my new spinning tights for the first time.

Normally I wear a loose fitting style of capri pants with a removable pad that snaps in place. I love them except for the fact that they are not very aerodynamic (because I spin like the wind) and they sometimes twist up a bit. Other than that, I am very comfortable wearing them, both physically and emotionally. I 💜 them.

Cycling tights are interesting. First of all, they are form fitting like no other piece of clothing I have ever worn. My soft butch perpetual weekend look does not include anything that hugs my body. The tights make me a bit self conscious, a feeling that is multiplied by going commando while wearing them.  I walk in such as way so that no one can see my backside. Awkward. I look as though I am line dancing my way to the cycling room.

Second, they have a built in pad. It sort of feels like wearing an adult diaper. Good practice for when I am in the nursing home. Instead of a visible panty line, I now have a bulge protruding from my backside and crotch. The good part is that it prevents any trace of my anatomy from showing. The bad part is it creates a visual that could be disturbing.  

Now the real test. They feel great while sitting on the bike. The pad is a bit bigger than I am used to but it does the trick. I'm thinking a few more adjustments and a built in battery pack and I'm ready to debut a new type of lady workout pants on Shark Tank. More bang for you buck so to speak. 

Perhaps my next purchase will be a pair of cycling shoes so I can clip myself to the pedals, locking myself to the bike until such time when the class ends and I can be rescued by the instructor. Like the wind!