Martini Cartwheels

Chia seeds. My latest health kick, along with aloe vera juice. Have you had aloe vera juice? Not the flavored aloe drinks but the actual juice? It tastes like a combination of b.o. and gasoline. Needless to say, I only managed to drink a few ounces of the stuff. Blondie has been holding her nose and gulping it down. Back to the chia. It has lots of fiber, protein and omega 3 and it tastes pretty good. I throw it on oatmeal, yogurt, or add it to juice. The fun with the chia is that those black little seeds find places to hide out in your teeth for hours. After lunch, I go to the women's room for a smile check. Then a couple of hours later, while you are in a meeting, one little seed that has been hiding behind your 3rd molar decides to come front and center. Hit the bathroom before driving home and you realize you had a lovely black thing or two  stuck in your choppers for the last half hour while presenting your point to group of colleagues. Now I understand why they make wh...

Some people see Angels in the clouds. Some see Saints in stained glass. Some even see the Pope in their toast. Guess what I see? Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice, be careful not to choke on the boob made of ice.

Another case of "brain has instructed mouth to start speaking even though warning messages were firing". So this guy comes into our building at work and he is carrying this cardboard box the size of Nebraska. And I look right at him and I say "Wow, somebody has a big package". Hey - I probably made his day. I'm pretty sure his package is bigger than my brain.

So if you heard the phrase "Can I just grab your extension?", you would be: a) Sitting in your living room watching a porno b) Having a fun time on a date c) In a meeting with me, wondering in amazement, why I would use that terminology to ask for a male co-worker's phone number. As soon as "grab" left my mouth, I knew the words were just spewing out with no thought process involved.

So last week I committed the cardinal sin of FUI - Facebooking Under The Influence. And I may have, kind of sort of, posted something about the Occupy Wall Street people that made me sound like a bit of a heartless whiney bitch. The gist of the post was that I had little sympathy for the occupiers since I commute 2+ hours one way to work every day and don't get home until 12 hours after I leave the house. To redeem myself, here is my explanation. You see, here in Massachusetts we are subjected to the news, pictures, and videos of Occupy Boston. And unlike New York, the Massachusetts occupiers primarily seem to be spoiled recent college grads from Northeastern or Boston University who owe 100K plus in school loans and who are very pissed off for not yet being welcomed into Massachusetts upper middle class society even though they majored in something like Ancient Herbal Teas of the Old World or The Biology of Psychosis In Tree Dwelling Marsupials. And that to me is annoying. That be...

I was on vacation last week. Ok, so I worked a little bit from home last Sunday and Monday but other than that, I was on total vacation mode. A Duck Boat tour in Boston, a day trip to Vermont, lots of eating - just an all around relaxing time. That groove ended today when I took a peak at my work email and saw I had 700* + new emails. How can that be? Seriously, that is just crazy. I can't imagine how many emails the important people must get. I'm working from home tomorrow. And I refuse to get stressed. Refuse, refuse, refuse. If it takes me until noon to get through them all, so be it. Now if I can just relax enough to get a good night's sleep, I'll be all set. Night all. View of downtown Boston from the Charles River *Ok, it seems 700 emails is not a true fact. After logging in to work using remote desktop, I only had 435 new emails. It appears that the other 300 or so were already read. In my defense however, when I made the original statement about the 700+ emails...

My work husband* got let go yesterday. He was the project manger for the upgrade I posted about yesterday. A really great guy and a great PM. He was a contractor who came on board last June. And he was vital to the success of this project. He talked me off the ledge more than once. When I thought we would never make the go live date, he reassured me we would. He told me we things would go fine. And he was right. I have a hard time understanding how humans relate to each other at work. It's a job people. In the relative scheme of things, work is nothing. You don't have to go home with each other. Work to live - not the opposite. (Oh sure - good advice from someone who worked until midnight last Friday). I'll miss not having a work husband. The work boyfriend will have to suffice for now I guess. My partner's boss is....ummm.. how do I say this.....a d#@khead. I see what she has to put up with every day and I feel her pain. People are funny creatures. ...

The project I have been working on for over a year as the technical lead finally went live this week. And if I wasn't so tired from being on day 11 of a 12 day stretch, I might actually be able to post something intelligent, humorous, or interesting. But then again, why start now. It's already May? How did that happen? And if April showers brought May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Why the answer is simple my friends. Pilgrims. That's what May flowers bring. Oh CJ, you really have been coding way too much.

Happy Thursday! What better way to close out your work week than to enjoy the foibles of a fellow working class compadre? My embarrassing work moments have a long history and unfortunately seem to follow me from one employer to the next. Clothing Mishaps Clothing mishaps are usually due to lack of sleep or a hangover. I’ve experienced minor issues, such as wearing two different color socks or sitting at my desk for hours with a dryer sheet sticking out of my sleeve. I’ve nipped potential incidents in the bud, such as the time I had my shirt on inside out. I fixed that one before any of my co-workers arrived by quickly reversing my top in my cube. Wrong Place Wrong Time I walked into a meeting and took my place at the conference table. A few of the regulars filed in along with a few not so regulars. Oh well, special guests I thought. Within 15 seconds of the start of the meeting I knew something was not right. "What are we talking about?” I asked myself. When it dawne...

Work is busy. Usually I only leave my desk to go to a meeting or walk to the ladies room. Which is where I discovered it -- chocolate pants. Apparently I had dropped a bit of my lunch (a protein bar) onto my lap, where it then melted into my trousers. Great. Earlier in the week I discovered another food faux pas while looking in the mirror of that same ladies room. You know how Greek yogurt is thicker than regular yogurt, almost paste-like? Well, it's also more difficult to clean off your spoon and upper lip , which is where Greek yogurt sometimes lands when you eat, read, and type on your computer concurrently. Yogurt lip is nice look if you work in the adult film industry but not if you work in a cube. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

I've peed on my leg at work, gone to meetings to which I was not invited, worn two different color socks , and tripped in the hallway. So today I thought I would try something different. You know those thin paper-like breath freshener thingies? The ones that come in the little plastic packets? And you know how they stick to your tongue? Well, if you miss your mouth, they will stick to your lip too. And you can't really wipe them off because the sort of melt onto your face. The only thing you can do is lick vigorously until the suckers melt. But after they do, they leave a bit of a stain, especially if they are red. And that really sucks if it happens right before a meeting. I'm glad tomorrow is Friday.

"I ment to mention this earlier, but I would expect if you see my caller I'd come up, you place the other call on hold." A good friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous for this post, recently received this email from her manager. The misspelled words are his, not mine. This friend is a very intelligent, well paid, IT professional. Her manager is evidently an arrogant a-hole. I'm so tired of companies taking the attitude that we are lucky to work for them. I've seen this more and more recently and I'm guessing the slow economy has left many companies thinking they can treat their employees like crap because, after all, we are so freaking blessed to be working for them. I'm lucky. I work for a great organization, have great co-workers, and a wonderful manager. I really enjoy my job very much. And I believe in the work hierarchy - I respect those in positions above me and obey the rules.But I have people in my life who are not as lucky and frankly, this c...

I love my whiteboard. So much so that I have two, a medium size one that sits in my corner of the office and a smaller companion one that keeps the bigger one company. So I know it doesn't look there is a lot on the boards. That's only because writing all pending tasks would cause me to spiral into an anxiety attack of epic proportion. Every weekend I bring home work and every Sunday night, right about now, I start to freak a bit because I have not logged into work. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. Looks like another sleepless Sunday night approaching.

This is a picture of my hand resting on my desk at work. The time - approximately 2:30 pm. I wonder just how long has that dryer sheet been sticking out of the end of my sweater?

I wanted to thank you all for your great comments on my last post. You have encouraged me at a time when I really needed it. I so appreciate all your thoughts. Jude - You did a 70 mile commute each way for 10 years. That's cool. Small Town - 1220 miles a week huh? What the heck am I complaining about? Mon - I love that fact that people in big states just do this sort of drive with no whining. Shrinky - Yes, a break would probably be a good idea. January is a long, cold month. Solo - That would be a nice ride on a motorcycle wouldn't it? When are we going? Nulaanne - I was thinking it was a Mass thing. Folks here don't even like to drive to Boston which is only about 80 miles west of here. Mrs. Moto - Your comment was great. I love "I live where I want to live and I work where I have to." I am going to borrow that one if you don't mind. It's so true . Weese - Forty miles can be as bad as 70 if the traffic is bad. I'll add you to the ranks of an...

I'm tired. Mentally and physically tired. And I'm thinking my commute may be getting the best of me. I drive 68 miles to work each way. On the plus side, it's technically a 35 hour week. So instead of sitting behind a desk for an extra hour a day, I sit in the car. I also get to work one day a week from home. That's a nice perk. Unfortunately the work load requires much more than 35 hours and I find myself working through lunch and staying at least a half hour extra each day. I'm fairly certain that any other job working with this particular software would require at least a 40 - 45 mile (again each way) commute. And probably a 40 hour/week commitment. That would only save me about a half hour a day compared to what I have now. And I know I shouldn't be bitching. I have friends who do the long commute as well. I have friends who work locally and are gone more hours a day than I am. I've had good blogger friends tell me that 68 miles each way is not consid...

I'm cheating a little bit today by using the same photo on two different blogs. I took this picture on the campus at which I work. It's a shower stall, curtain and all, that is propped up against the wall of the art building. It doesn't look like a free standing structure, so I'm guessing that it is some sort of project. I think it's pretty creative. But then again I'm not the one dishing out the 50K for tuition.

I peed on my pants leg today at work. I'm a squatter. I know sitting on a public toilet will probably not bring me irreparable harm, but it just skeeves me to no end. Hovering can be tricky business however - one rogue stream as I had today and you've got yourself a pair of pee pee pants. Luckily this happened at the end of the day. It did prolong my day however, as I wanted to sit at my desk for a bit, hoping the spot would fade prior to my leaving the building. And, as it turns out, it was a particularly crowded day on the campus, with students moving in for the fall semester. Hopefully no one noticed as I quickly walked behind the buildings to the parking lot, glancing behind and down as I walked to make sure the offending spot was not standing out too much. Maybe I should keep a spare pair of pants in my office from now on.

I carry a back-pack to work. I guess you could call it my lesbian purse. Inside the back-pack are notebooks in which I track my work, my planner, and miscellaneous items like my water bottle.  As I approached my building today, I could feel the back of my pants were wet. Apparently the little do-hickey thingy (technical term) for my water bottle popped off without me noticing. The bottle had leaked in the back-pack and onto my backside, wetting all my notebooks and my pants. So glad I wore khakis today. I hid in my office, wearing my fleece jacket, until I felt the spot had dried and it was safe to come out.   Earlier this week, I finished my yogurt before I realized the spoon I was using was one I pulled out of the waste basket so it could be recycled. And you all know about the poop on my pillow. Tomorrow I'm thinking of walking around campus with a booger hanging out my nose. Or maybe with my fly down. Or perhaps I could just fart loudly at a team meeting.  Stay tuned for my nex...

Wow, two weeks already. I think that is the longest I have ever gone without posting.  The new 35 hour a week job has actually turned out to be more like a 45 hour a week job and the "one day a week working from home" perk has not yet materialized. On top of that, there were layoffs in my department the second week I started. I'm not whining as much as I normally would because everyone knows that just having a job at all today is a good thing and employers are totally calling the shots. I'm really hoping to get back into some sort of groove here soon however.  Hope everyone had a great VD (the holiday not the disease). I took my Mom and an old friend of hers out to lunch.  And when I say old, I'm talking like 70 years or something. My Mom and Dad grew up with this couple. My Dad has passed and so has the wife of the gentleman that accompanied us to lunch. Listening to them reminisce really made me think about how fast time goes by and how we need to try to enjoy e...