No, I Can't Do It

Screw you HD and your slogan. The only way I can do it and the only way you can help is to come to my house and do it for me. Explaining to me just how easy it is will not make the task simple.

I have a spot on my ceiling. I have been to HD three times now. First, for the spray can of Kilz to cover the spot. That made it worse. Next, for the small can of white paint. That didn't match. Yesterday it was for another spray can of some sort of evil pressurized texture paint that was made specifically for touching up popcorn ceilings.

I tried it. I shook and shook that freaking can till my hand was sore. Made sure I covered all exposed furniture. I put on a mask. Then I fired away. The stuff flew out of the can like projectile baby vomit flies out of a sick kid. On me, on the tarp, on parts of the floor I did not cover. Now it looks like I have a patch of Quaker Oats on my ceiling.

I don't care if this makes me a bad lesbian. I'm leaving this to the professionals who know I can't do it and don't care to show me.


Janet said…
Ha! I have some dry rot to fix around a window today and suspect the same problem may occur - only I can't afford a professional right now.

So whatever I do will hafta do.

Velvet Ginger said…
OMG! What's going on, did you have a leak? I hope the professionals can fix it.
dykewife said…
i like you. you remind me of me. that's a great comfort.
Mon said…
That looks bad, what caused the spot? Sometimes it is better to let the professionals do the work while you do cartwheels with a martini in hand, no?

word verifcation today: tuxqnif
Yup, hire the professionals, don't go to the next step and pull out the Sawzall, pull down the drywall, replace it with a piece that is cut crooked, jam it up there anyway, use nails instead of screws, forget to seal up the edges and try to paint over it. Don't do that.
Anonymous said… attempted to fix a popcorn ceiling? i'm impressed. I hired out for ours. best $ i could spend!
Anonymous said…
it really is okay. you don't lose points -- or your toaster oven.
SassyFemme said…
Popcorn ceilings are a serious bitch to fix. We tried back in TX after a roof leak. It sucked. We finally called in a ceiling guy who fixed and repainted the whole room in no time. Money very well spent.
Cristina said…
CJ, even I would NEVER EVER do that again. No amount of premium vodka cold intice me.
Shrinky said…
Eeek, I'm exhausted just reading about all this. Full marks for effort, now it's time to call in the troops!
John Gascot said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
John Gascot said…
Those damn ceilings are the worst!
I could never get them patched up right, and neither could my partner...and he's butch and HD savvy.
Anonymous said…
you can put your "wet spot" sign over the mark.
weese said…
its good to know your limitations.
Anonymous said…
Maybe Chewy can make something of your new art work!


Anonymous said…
I see the Virgin Mary holding the Baby Jesus. A tourist attraction, charge admission, make a few bucks.
Anonymous said…
Easy to fix. Pop some Orville Redenbacher and use Elmer's Glue. No big deal.
just throw some raisins up there, some cinnamon and then you have yummy oatmeal ceiling...not just the plain kind! lol
Anonymous said…
Did I hear someone say 'food fight'?!
Anonymous said…
Oh yeah, it's a work of art in progress! All kinds of possibilities there.
Rita said…
Yikes! I have never trusted the folks over at HD. Never seemed real bright.

Good luck with that MLC. Hope it turns out ok.

Hey Rubye Jean - Unfortunately I created this mess. I could kick myself.

Thanks Dykewife. Glad to hear their are others like me.

I got water on the bathroom floor above OC and it dripped down. I'm a big dummy.

Hahn, you sound like you know what you are doing. When can you come over?

Don't be too impressed Kitty. I've made it much worse everytime I try to fix it.

Thank you Lynt. I was hoping that was the case.

That makes me feel a little better Sassy knowing that these suckers are not easy to repair and it's just not me.

That's saying something Cristina. Now I know you wouldn't touch it.

Thanks Shrinky. I guess I have to be content with an "A" for effort.

Thanks you for making feel better John. If your honey bunny couldn't do it and he's handy, then maybe I'm not that bad.

Love that idea McMeaty!

Yes, Weese, I certainly do have my limits when it comes to home repair.

Both wonderful ideas Chewy! LOL at your money making idea. Maybe I should used my leftover kettle corn from the Big E.

That actually sounds good Ms. Creek. I'm hungry.

Hey Martha, I didn't look at it like that. Maybe I just need to work on it a bit.

It's all smoke and mirrors over at HD Rita. Last time I was there they were holding a workshop on how to install a toilet. Yes, I'm sure that's real easy.

No food fights Blondie!
Shrinky said…
Hmph, listen to that Chewy (she's such a show off)!

Is it fixed yet?
No, not fixed yet Rubye and Shrinky. I'm still waiting for some bright idea to pop into my head. I think I will be waiting a long time.

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