Not so straight up with a twist, a dose of irreverent nonsense awaits.
Maybe I Should Stick With Cathy
Those of you on Facebook have probably seen the latest status update going around - look up your name in Urban Dictionary and post the first definition as your status.
Here is what I found for Cathy:
The act of being extremely interesting, smart, cool, athletic, and just about every positive thing that a person can be.
Wow you were so Cathy!
I wish I were as Cathy as you!
Man you are so Cathy. If I were that Cathy I'd probably would have a pretty Cathy life!
Then I looked up CJ. I refuse to post the first definition. Here's the second, which I have edited:
Receiving a "strong breeze occupation" while you are in a coma.
I heard that Kiley gave Tim a CJ while Tim was recovering from that skiing accident.
That is just not my thing if you know what I mean. No offense anyone.
Kick-ass red-headed female pirate. Will randomly break into dance on a bus or in the middle of the street. Likes to steal sweet and sour chicken from other pirates. Stubborn and very violent. Moved away from friends and misses them terribly. Finds it hard to say I love you but still manages to screach various compliments across the phone-lines. Can be very humorous, but has a dirty mind.
Boy 1 : Dude, i really need to do something exciting I am so bored. Boy 2: Hey I know a good CJ! She can make anyone laugh! Boy 3 : WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? Together : LETS GO! *skip off into distance looking for CJ*
Change Boy 1, 2, and 3 to Girl 1, 2, and 3, red-headed to chemically enhanced dark brown, sweet and sour chicken to tuna grinders, very violent to very silly, and it may actually not be too far off.Shiver me timbers!
You know what's a pain in the ass? Shredding bills and bank statements. It's time consuming, it's messy, and one box of paper creates three trash bags full of 1.5 inch X .3 inch paper strips. I want my bills to now be sent on cheese. That way when I shred them, I can at least at do something with the by-product. Put it on a sandwich, throw it on some pasta, toss it on top of some corn chips - all of which is better than trying to shove 20 pounds of paper into a trash bag meant to hold no more than 10 pounds. Great nachos CJ! Why thank you. That's my electric bill you are eating. I shred everything. Cable bill? Shred that bad boy. Don't need anyone seeing what extras I rented (don't judge!). Phone bills? What if someone finds my itemized statement and starts crank calling my relatives? Shred it too! Retirement statements? No one has to know I need to work for another 70 years. Shred, shred, shred! Amazon receipts? Ohhhh no. None of your bees wax. Yes, I
I peed on my pants leg today at work. I'm a squatter. I know sitting on a public toilet will probably not bring me irreparable harm, but it just skeeves me to no end. Hovering can be tricky business however - one rogue stream as I had today and you've got yourself a pair of pee pee pants. Luckily this happened at the end of the day. It did prolong my day however, as I wanted to sit at my desk for a bit, hoping the spot would fade prior to my leaving the building. And, as it turns out, it was a particularly crowded day on the campus, with students moving in for the fall semester. Hopefully no one noticed as I quickly walked behind the buildings to the parking lot, glancing behind and down as I walked to make sure the offending spot was not standing out too much. Maybe I should keep a spare pair of pants in my office from now on.