I Would Have Preferred A Jelly Donut
Dear AssWipe Who Eff'd Up The Lawn Last Night,
I so want to thank you for your total lack of respect for other's property. I've always said, why drive 20 extra feet to turn around in a driveway when you can just pull a u-ey on someone's grass.
I wish I had looked out the window when I heard you speeding down the street. Not that I could have done anything to reverse the brain damage from which you currently suffer, but at least I could have given you the 'ol one finger salute and swore at you under my breath (don't want to wake the neighbors - that would be impolite).
I would very much like to meet you so I can place my foot up your ass. Sideways.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend and please try to keep your tires on the road dickhead.
Lots of Love,