-
See post below...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Now Boarding Rows 1 Through 10. Is There Room For Your Carry On?

-
Image
Here's an interesting texting typo I created last week: And if airline seats get any smaller, I can see this being an actual problem. Can you imagine? I'm sorry ma'am, but there is no way both of you can seat in one seat. You will have to purchase an additional ticket for "her". What would happen then? Would she want the window or middle seat? That's assuming she would even want to sit next to me. I mean, we are together 24/7 so she may want a little alone time, out in the open air, where she is free of any restraint. And what if she is chatty, flapping her lips the whole time? I'm not a big talker when I travel, preferring instead to bury my head in a magazine so I can take my mind off the flight and enjoy my Ativan. I imagine the conversation going as such: She:  I hate that bike seat at spin class. You have no idea what it's like. Me:  Spin class is only 50 minutes. You can handle it. I bought you padded shorts. Those weren't     ...
Read more

What's A Girl To Do About Packing?

-
Image
Salsa Shark I'm going on vacation in a few weeks to some place warm. Thought it might be a good idea today to try on my shorts. All of them, except for four pairs, somehow shrunk in my drawer over the winter. So off to the mall I went. I picked up a few pairs of shorts, along with a big new suitcase. Can somebody please tell me when a suitcase started costing between $200 and $350? Who needs ballistic nylon encasing their bathing suit and suntan lotion? Apparently a lot of folks do because the suitcases I saw could withstand any sort of attack, foreign or domestic. Nice to know if, God forbid, the plane goes down, my underwear will remain intact inside my Samsonite. I better be careful what I pack. Somethings are better not found. I finished off my evening with dinner at a Mexican restaurant. That's when the Salsa Shark appeared. If only I had handy my new suitcase that doubles as a shark cage. Oh well, maybe I can try that feature while on vacation.
Read more

No, I Can't Do It

-
Image
Screw you HD and your slogan. The only way I can do it and the only way you can help is to come to my house and do it for me. Explaining to me just how easy it is will not make the task simple. I have a spot on my ceiling. I have been to HD three times now. First, for the spray can of Kilz to cover the spot. That made it worse. Next, for the small can of white paint. That didn't match. Yesterday it was for another spray can of some sort of evil pressurized texture paint that was made specifically for touching up popcorn ceilings. I tried it. I shook and shook that freaking can till my hand was sore. Made sure I covered all exposed furniture. I put on a mask. Then I fired away. The stuff flew out of the can like projectile baby vomit flies out of a sick kid. On me, on the tarp, on parts of the floor I did not cover. Now it looks like I have a patch of Quaker Oats on my ceiling. I don't care if this makes me a bad lesbian. I'm leaving this to the professionals who know I can...
Read more