Red Carpets and White T-Shirts

Just sitting here watching all the beautiful people on the Academy Awards. There is a reason people like me are not movie stars. When asked "Who are you wearing?" not one person answered pants by Levi Strauss, men's white T-shirt by BJ's Wholesale Club. When questioned about a pre-show meal, I didn't even hear the words M&M's, popcorn, or Reese's Pieces muttered. For once, I'd like the red carpet vultures to ask "What did you wear this afternoon to fit into that dress" and "Who are you eating?". That would be more interesting.

I can't imagine what it would be like to have the confidence to get up in front of all those people. I'd have to have a lot of beer to work up the nerve to do that and even then, I'd probably just want to moon everyone from the stage. "I'd like to thank my lilly white ass for supporting me all these years yadda yadda yadda."

Hey, I can't help it. I've been up since about 4:00am with a sick Yorkie. Spent a few hours in the animal hospital ER, and have been stressed out all afternoon. I am now an expert at taking doggie temperatures (and not under the tongue or armpit). And I just know one day I am going to wonder why the digital thermometer in the downstairs drawer tastes funny.


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