I'm Out Of Legs

I woke up yesterday with an itch behind my right knee. Probably a little bite I thought, from some critter one of the dogs dragged in or from a spider in the basement. By last night, it was red and swollen. By this morning, even bigger and more red. Before deciding to head off to the ER, I gave my doctor a call. The MD covering told me it was probably some sort of bite, to put some hydrocortisone cream on it, and to come into the office tomorrow if it wasn't better. Good advice, except now there is a ring around the site with is sort of wigging me out a bit. I am currently icing it. 

Part two. I went down to the basement to change the filter on the water softening system for the house. The filter sits in a cup like holder that screws onto the tank by some grooves in the top of the holder. I shut off the water, relieved the pressure in the system, and collected the water that dripped out into a dishpan. I then began to unscrew the holder, using the tool that came with the system - a hollow ring with a handle that you place around the holder and twist.  The holder was on pretty tight and I gave it a good twist, which then caused my ACL-less left knee to pop out and buckle. Then I went boom, down on my ass, into the water-filled aforementioned  dishpan and on to my side whereupon I screamed some profanities and Blondie came running down the stairs to save me. I am currently icing this knee as well.

So now I am on the couch, wondering if I will actually be able to walk once I get up and if I will be on my way to the ER at some point tonight for that monster bite which is itching like crazy.

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.