Friday, August 8, 2014

You Are Sunk

I was just out skimming the pool, thinking how horrible it would be if I fell in because it has been less than 30 minutes since I ate those crackers.

Growing up in the 70's I was never told by my parents to wear a bike helmet or to use sunblock. What I did learn however, were the dangers of swimming, either in a pool or the ocean, without waiting 30 minutes after eating.

Apparently several things can happen if you do not obey this law of nature.

  1. You will immediately sink to the bottom with no chance of survival.
  2. You will be able to swim fine for the first minute or so, but shortly thereafter cramp up so bad that you will sink to the bottom. Again, with no chance of survival.
  3. Your tunafish sandwich will decide to "repeat" on you, travel up your esophagus, spill over into your windpipe,  and choke the living shit out of you until you sink to the bottom.  NCOS. 
  4. You will suffer a gas pain so debilitating that you will fold over in two like a clothespin, lose all sense of direction, and sink to the bottom. NCOS.
  5. You will have a toilet emergency, fall off the ladder trying to run out of the pool, hit your head, and sink to the bottom. NCOS.
Now get out there and enjoy the summer weather. Oh, and don't forget to use the footpan* to wash the grass off your feet before entering the pool.

*You know, the footpan. That old dishpan your parents would drag out from the kitchen, fill with water, and place in front to the ladder so you could wash your feet before hopping in.

7 comments:

Tara Crowley said...

It's amazing we survived into adulthood, isn't it?

Footpans are used at a retreat I go to, where people are entering and exiting hot tubs and cold plunges. It really does keep down the muck, I promise you.

Here's to swimming in the spot!

8thday said...

Oh, you bring back memories! I grew up at the beach so it was bathing caps, the 30 minute (to the dot) wait to swim, and then the footpan to rinse the sand off before coming into the house.

Of course, for us, the danger was very real. If you got a cramp from eating a peach and then swimming, the sharks could get you.

pawsingtospeak said...

A car-full of kids (myself included) were dropped off at the pool at noon - and picked up at 5:30 - the "older" (2 years older) - kids were supposed to watch us. And they were worried about the 30 minutes!

No helmets here either. Usually no seat belts either. Plus my parents smoked in the car on the way to vacation. And the radio was only AM...

Martini Cartwheels said...

Right on Tara! How did we make it to our teens with all those crazy antics!

Martini Cartwheels said...

8thday - bathing caps! I hope yours was pink and had a big flower on the side. Those were the fashion statement of the day.

Martini Cartwheels said...

Pawsing did you have to wear a bathing cap in that pool? Great points on the other dangers we survived. 30 minutes is nothing compared to the second hand smoke and the seat belts!

pawsingtospeak said...

We didn't have to wear caps - it was the 70s baby! You did when I was younger at the YWCA though - I hated those things - it was like a bath mat for your head!