Saturday, December 3, 2011

Nicki Birthday Wishes!

Blondie and I went to a bitching 40th surprise party last night for our gal pal Nicki (who is looking absolutely fabulous I might add). Since the actual birthday isn't until this weekend, I thought I would help her out by letting her know what to expect when she wakes up on Sunday morning, her first day on a new decade of life.

  1. You won't be able to read. Put another way, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO READ.
  2. Every calorie you eat, be it from an apple or a potato chip, will take approximately 237 hours of running on the treadmill to burn off.
  3. Remember the Bain Du Soleil lady? Well, she remembers you. And she apologizes for lying about Orange Gelee Number 4.
  4. At best, there is only another 7 years or so before your body's thermostat raises your inner core to a temperature somewhere between that of molten lava and the bowels of hell. Mind you, this will only happen when you are trying to fall asleep at night or in a meeting at work.
  5. You will change your mind about pajama jeans.
  6. You find yourself preferring to stay at home and watch television on a Friday night instead of going out. And Saturday night. Maybe even Sunday.
  7. You will look even more beautiful than you do today. Because in my humble opinion, women in their 40's and older are hot (and not just from the flashing mentioned above in number 4).
Happy Birthday Nicki. Enjoy your special weekend, party like a rock star, and remember a cute pair of reading cheaters is available at any local CVS.

6 comments:

Laine said...

"7. ...women in their 40's AND OLDER..." You saved your butt with that one.

Oh, and, welcome to the Wonderful World of Ricecakes.

LilliGirl said...

Love it...I'm creeping up on 40 too and realizing these things are true. My eyes are warning me now. :(

CJ said...

It's true Laine! Women get more beautiful as the age, at least I think so. Ricecakes? No, say it isn't so. I want chips and dip.

Lilli I used to think people were full of bs when they talked about not being able to read menus and what not. But damn, it happened fast. Seemed like overnight!

Taradharma said...

oh yes, praise the lord for reading glasses from CVS! I'd be lost without mine.

Happy Birthday to Nicki -- the 40s really are a fabulous decade. Now in my 50s, I can say that even though the hot flashes are, um, uncomfortable, they will cease at some point. So have another glass of wine and chill. (and forget the rice cakes -- bleh)

CJ said...

Great advice Tara! So the flashes really do stop at some point huh? Cant' wait!

KMae said...

HAHAHAHAHA very funny. And true.
PS I still get the damn flashes - some women get them forever. The 40's are definately the BEST years of our lives!