Thursday, February 26, 2009

Let The Sun Shine In



It's almost Spring and that means Home Shows! Before you buy that two beer sunroom, please read below.

There are a lot of positives about owning a sunroom. They are wonderful to sit in and watch the snow fall or relax while a spring rain taps the glass. Along with the positives however, I discovered there are some drawbacks. 

1. Glass breaks - See bottom photo. Kids walking to school behind your house will make a game of trying to break the panels.  Little bastards.
2. Glass let's in a lot of heat in when it's sunny - It's amazing that a room can get up to 90 degrees in March in New England with no artificial heat source. I can't even talk about what happens in August. You will want to strip naked - not advisable.
3. Glass let's out a lot of heat when it's cloudy - This is why you need a heat source other than the sun (see photo one) or very thick sweatshirts so you won't end up cutting the glass with your nipples as you walk by.
4. Glass shows dog nose prints (and fanny prints if you decide to moon the people next door.)
5. Glass is see through. Which means if you decide to watch Skinamax late one evening, and your neighbors happen to look over at your house, they will know you are a dirty girl.

I don't have a sunroom anymore.  That's probably a good thing. And funny enough, I'm not in contact with any of my old neighbors from Boston. Wonder why?


Sunday, February 22, 2009

Your Diaper Smells Like Chocolate

Showers, as in bridal and baby, are not my thing. There are only so many "ooohs" and "ahhhs" I can fake at one time. (Keep your minds out of the gutter people).

Anyway, I know someone who recently went to a baby shower at which "games" were played. The only game I want to play at a shower is how many free Bloody Marys can I drink before they close up the bar.

One of the games played at this event, and I swear I am not making this up, involved passing around a disposable diaper that was soiled with various kinds of chocolate bars. The object of the game was to guess the brands of the bars present in the mix.

I would rather poke hot sticks in my eyes than go to a shower so maybe I should not be judgemental. But does anyone else find this strange? Has anyone heard of or played this game?

And, if it is just me, do you think I should I adopt a form of this game to be played at The Wet Spot* this summer?


*The Wet Spot, also known as the pool in my backyard, is now taking applications for photographers, pool girls, and lifeguards. Applicants should be female and comfortable with clothing optional environments, meat products, and alcohol. In exchange for services rendered, team members get free use of the pool and all the frozen margaritas they can drink.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Key Word Searches Part 2

Time once again to see how people are finding me. Here are the top  search keys that lead to this blog. The following phrases were pulled from my site data on Stat Counter.
  1. martini cartwheels - Good to know folks are searching for me by name.
  2. ding dong martini - To me, a ding dong is a male organ. Have I used the term "ding dong" in any posts? I really hope not. Any martini that has had a ding dong in it is not going in my mouth. 
  3. how to make cartwheel sandwich - WTF is a cartwheel sandwich? Something you make on a hamburg bun? Maybe you stick fries in the sides of the sandwich for arms and legs and then spin it around on your plate.
  4. girls love stiffy's -  Sorry, but a lot of the girls that read this blog do not love stiffy's. Back to that male organ thing again I see.
  5. kahkeys the pants - Yes, that is how they pronounce khakis in Boston. Sad but true.
  6. eugene delgaudio - He doesn't like gay people and yes I have blogged about him because he is mean and he hurt my feelings. Waah.
  7. martini winter hose - Again, what the hell is this? I have never drank martinis through a garden hose in the winter. It takes too long for the vodka to reach my mouth.
  8. hose again - Anyone who searches on "girls love stiffys" or "ding dong martinis" should get the hose again.
  9. lori motherhood boys martini - This is just too complicated to analyze. But motherhood and boys should not be used to describe a martini.
  10. basket boat - Another post of mine. Must have been a really good one because I can't remember what I wrote about.
  11. snow on your bush - This one is the prize winner. I do have a "Snow Bush" post but it's not what you may be thinking.  What's that saying? Ice on your tree is better than snow on your bush?
Yes, I am over-tired tonight. Why do you ask?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Nothing Could Be Finer...


Banana walnut pancakes, chocolate chip waffles, and pies,
Oh boy do my  jeans feel tight on my thighs.
Triple decker clubs, eggs benedict, and chili cheese fries,
If my ass gets any wider I'll need a much bigger size.

What is your favorite diner food? I like to go for the breakfast master mix - 2 pancakes, 2 eggs, 2 pieces of sausage, cinnamon toast, and cranberry juice. Unless it is 1:30 AM, then I go for the Eggs Benedict. I love diners. The RT 9 Diner in Hadley, Massachusetts is my favorite. And it's open 24/7, just like my appetite. Perfect.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Two Weeks?


Wow, two weeks already. I think that is the longest I have ever gone without posting. 

The new 35 hour a week job has actually turned out to be more like a 45 hour a week job and the "one day a week working from home" perk has not yet materialized. On top of that, there were layoffs in my department the second week I started. I'm not whining as much as I normally would because everyone knows that just having a job at all today is a good thing and employers are totally calling the shots.

I'm really hoping to get back into some sort of groove here soon however. 

Hope everyone had a great VD (the holiday not the disease). I took my Mom and an old friend of hers out to lunch.  And when I say old, I'm talking like 70 years or something. My Mom and Dad grew up with this couple. My Dad has passed and so has the wife of the gentleman that accompanied us to lunch. Listening to them reminisce really made me think about how fast time goes by and how we need to try to enjoy each day. Maybe I won't work from home this weekend after all.