Saturday, June 1, 2013

Paper Strips. I Don't.


You know what's a pain in the ass? Shredding bills and bank statements.  It's time consuming, it's messy, and one box of paper creates three trash bags full of 1.5 inch X .3 inch paper strips.

I want my bills to now be sent on cheese. That way when I shred them, I can at least at do something with the by-product. Put it on a sandwich, throw it on some pasta, toss it on top of some corn chips - all of which is better than trying to shove 20 pounds of paper into a trash bag meant to hold no more than 10 pounds. Great nachos CJ! Why thank you. That's my electric bill you are eating.

I shred everything. Cable bill? Shred that bad boy. Don't need anyone seeing what extras I rented (don't judge!). Phone bills? What if someone finds my itemized statement and starts crank calling my relatives? Shred it too! Retirement statements? No one has to know I need to work for another 70 years. Shred, shred, shred! Amazon receipts? Ohhhh no. None of your bees wax. Yes, I do need that self help book thank you very much.

Maybe it's time to take up paper mache. And turn that cable bill into a nice vase, a dog house, or a tiki bar.




4 comments:

Laine said...

First of all, it concerns me deeply that you made the effort to measure the length x width of the shredded strands. Deeply. Concerned.

Second, why haven't you considered going green w/ E-billing. If you aren't keeping the statements anyway, it would be a good fit.

Last, have a cold one and calm down.
(Hey, great Tee slogan!)

Taradharma said...

yes, must go the e-billing route! Unless you'd like to start your own cottage industry with paper mache. I see nice wide bowls for serving chips and salsa....

Donna Massanti said...

CHEESE!!! What a magnificent idea, CJ!!! I will have to mention this at the next meeting as a means to grow my sales! You are a super genius!

Taradharma said...

did ya have a cold one ceej?

I was just saying today, really, that it seems the only thing that comes through the mail is advertisements and bills (though I've switched mostly to e-billing). The amount of paper is astonishing.

hey - my URL has changed:
outofthelotus.blogspot.com

same blog, just new URL to try and get my ex-wife to stop reading it! So I'm not announcing the change on the original blog. Just. Quietly. Moving. Over. This. Way.