Tuesday, July 24, 2007

How to Commute 154 Miles a Day Without Losing Your Mind

I get a lot of shocked looks when I tell people I commute from Western Mass to Boston, a drive of 77 miles each way. But honestly, it's not that bad. Take today for example. I got up at 4:00 AM, got ready, and hit the road by 5:08. A quick stop for gas and I'm off, commuting east on the Mass Pike into Government Center. I arrived at my desk by 6:45 AM and started work, eager and ready to face the day. I worked until 5:45 PM and then headed back to the parking garage where my commute home begins. I arrived home at 7:30, ate a little supper, and here I am. It's now 9:30 and I'm not really tired at all. I think tomorrow I will head over to the library, where I can pick up a dozen coconuts. Later I will cross the street so I will be ready for my new yellow shoes. If I do decide to ride Marsha Brady's unicycle over to the green brier banana patch, I will make sure I change the batteries in my umbrella. That way my vitamins will not expire before I have a chance to clean my pencils. And for those of you that know me well, you can be darn sure the cost of nails will not be a deterrent. Good night and have a pleasant rum twizzler.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes Follow-Up

I feel I need to clarify a few things regarding my last post. First of all, I am not out to insult or antagonize anyone who smokes. I have people in my life that I love very dearly who are smokers. I believe that smokers, like anyone else, need to be respectful of those around them. I myself like the occasional cocktail or 12. And on those occasions when I get some bad ice, I do my best not to get sick on any one's shoes, pants, or anywhere in the general vicinity of their personal space. I expect no less of someone who is exhaling smoke.

I do not want to give the impression that I go around making a slob of myself trouser coughing in public any chance I get. I appreciate a good Dutch oven as much as the next person, but I am generally very private when in comes to things that occur from the waist to the knees. So, don't worry those of you that know me. You can still be seen out in public with me and I will behave, for the most part.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes


Ok, so I'm at the casino in CT today and I know it is a smoking environment which is cool because one bad vice deserves another and most people like to drink, smoke, and gamble simultaneously to get it all out of their system. So I'm playing my latest addiction, video poker (aka gambler's crack) when some fool sits next to me and proceeds to light up which again is ok because I know I am in a place where smoking is allowed and it is my choice to be there. But....if your smoke is drifting directly in my face while I am trying to relax, drink my free beer, and win some money, you are going to make me very annoyed. Of course I say nothing, because I am rather passive aggressive and would not say poop if I had a mouth full. Wouldn't be great if there was some way I could materialize a noxious fume in the general direction of the offender who not only wants to give himself lung cancer but apparently wants to take me along for the ride? Hmmm.......

Friday, July 6, 2007

Why I Like Motorcyles Better Then Men


  1. Because a girl sitting on a bike is hotter than a girl sitting on a guy.

  2. Because even though my bike has nice pipes, I don't have to touch them.

  3. Because I can lock my bike in the garage when I am done with it for the day.

  4. Because the only rubber I am interested in is the one on my tires.

  5. Because I can ride for hours without my bike getting tired.