Sunday, April 24, 2016

How To Ace Your Annual Employee Review

If you work for an organization that has a fiscal year starting July 1, you may be preparing for your annual merit review. Sometimes this process is accompanied by the "pre-review"  questionnaire where you write down all the great things you did during the year. It usually starts off something like this: "Highlight your major accomplishments for the 2016 fiscal year. Please include specific references to each time you restrained yourself from choking the living shit out of a co-worker."


I believe the pre-review is an outdated method of accurately accessing an employee's accomplishments. Therefore I would like to propose that from now on, the employee pre-review consists entirely of interpretive dance, performed while wearing an unitard, set to a Mongolian throat singing soundtrack.

Sound good? Great. Now get practicing!