Thursday, November 19, 2015

No Toilet? No Worries.

I saw a commercial today for a prescription medication that treats the symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. Among those symptoms - URGENT DIARRHEA. 

Which begs the following question. Is there anything such as non-urgent diarrhea? 

"Hey don't worry about me. I've got knee buckling stomach pain and burning flatulence from that street taco I just ate. But it's no problem because I have non-ugrent diarrhea. It can wait."

Non-urgent diarrhea is the distant cousin painless gum grafting. Not that I would know.  I've had neither. 




Sunday, November 8, 2015

Feeling Blue In Massachusetts


Meanwhile back in western Massachusetts....

I believe this rubber object is supposed to represent male genitalia. I say this with some uncertainty for a couple of reasons. 

  • I'm pretty sure they are not usually blue unless they are on the verge of exploding. This set did not explode the whole time I was watching them.
  • This thing looks dirty and stretched out, like it has been around the block and broken a few times. 
  • It moved freely, swinging from left to right and back again, almost like it had a mind of its own.
  • It was attached to something even more unattractive than itself.
Wait a minute, I think I just answered my own question. 

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Adventures in Gum Grafting Day 4

I skipped my Day 3 update. I was just too whiney. My mouth felt like the Chicopee Landfill.

In case you are interested or are considering having this procedure, here is my status for today:


  • Still feeling pretty tired on day 4 post procedure. I'm not sure if this is due to the pain meds or just a normal part of the healing process
  • Although it's ok at this point to chew soft foods on my good side, I continue to stick with foods that I can just swallow down like yogurt, protein shakes, and baby food. Chewing scares me.
  • I wake up to find that there is still some bleeding during the night. Now that Halloween has come and gone that shit can stop. Vampire season is over.
  • I haven't washed my hair since the day of the procedure. I have an irrational fear that scrubbing my head will somehow loosen the stitches in my mouth.
  • I may actually get out of the house today! 
Thanks for reading. I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the day!