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Showing posts from January, 2015

If You Think It, It Must Be

Have you ever tried using positive psychology on yourself when you are in an uncomfortable situation? For example, when stuck in traffic during the work commute do you ever say either aloud or in your head "I love my job, I love my job" ? Prior to the snownami we were supposed to have last week we were in BJ's Wholesale Club picking up some extra supplies. You know, important stuff like 100 rolls of toilet paper, 10 packs of deodorant, and 120 ounce bottles of body lotion. Needless to say everyone else in western Massachusetts had the same idea. The store was packed. The checkout lines weaved around the registrars and down the aisles. There I was trying to convince myself that it wasn't crowded, that the lines would move quickly, and that the urge to strangle people was only temporary. And in my head I heard "I love BJ's, I love BJ's". Positive psychology is a bunch of bullshit isn't it?

Plug This

I have too many cords. There's the cord to charge my personal laptop and the cord to charge my work laptop. There's a cord for my iPhone and one for my iPad. There's a cord for the keyboard that works with the iPad. There's a cord for the e-reader. T here's a cord to charge the phone in the car.  The cord for my new iPhone does not match the cord for my old iPhone. Same for the iPad. Add two more. You're getting my drift. And right about now you are wishing you could unplug me. Below is the new and more descriptive definition of "cord": Cord /kôrd / noun 1. A string like object encased in a plastic that houses electrical wires used for charging all your must have devices. Cords are many times unique to the object for which they were designed. Therefore, your typical household will accumulate 7000 to 10,000 cords over the span of five years. Cords have the ability to form complicated twists, turns, and knots with themselves and other cords if

Yes, But Emotionally I'm Only Twelve

Don’t you hate when someone asks you to guess how old she is? In my head I’m thinking “I don’t know. Eighty, eighty-five? You had 7 kids. And it shows.” My filter then engages and I give my best lowball guess. When someone asks me how old I am and I tell them that I turned fifty a few months back, I usually get a “No way! I would have said you are _____!”. That makes me happy. Except when they fill in the blank with a stupid number like 45. Because if you are going to tell me that I don’t look my age, don’t tell me I look my age minus five years. That’s a back-handed compliment. It’s similar to when you say you like my haircut and then tell me you had the same style - in 1987. Nice, real nice. And stop staring at my argyle sweater. Please remember that fifty is the new forty, forty is the new thirty, thirty is the new twenty. And if you are ten, you have not actually been born yet so stop whining about everything. You’ll get your chance soon enough.