Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Tooth Be Told


We keep getting a bill for $1.00 from the Jesus dentist in Ludlow. I call him the Jesus dentist because he has a a picture of Jesus on the sign outside the office.

About few years ago, Blondie went to him for a routine visit. After they hygienist said all looked well, the dentist came in and said she need 5 fillings replaced. A second opinion and 6 years later, the original fillings are still in and all is well. Hmmmm.

About a year and a half ago, the bills for $1.00 started to arrive. Month after month, I get this bill, I rip it up, and I throw it in the trash. Jesus dentist has spent more on postage then on the actual bill.  I'm at the point where I may I set up my own payment plans, 1 penny at a time.

Don't be fooled by dentists with similar tactics. If they have a picture of a saint, a leprechaun, or a giant molar it could be trouble. You go in for a cleaning and the next thing you know you are paying for a full set of dentures. I speak the tooth.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Miracle At The Nursing Home

Oh dear Lord.

So as a follow up to my last post, my mother now thinks people are talking about her saying that she is pregnant.

When my sister tried to explain that there is an age limit on these sort of things, my mother just looked at her suspiciously and said "oh really?"

My mother never smoked. My mother never drank. That apparently was a big mistake. According to a new study by Martini Cartwheels Research, those who have no vices are more likely to lose their minds in their senior years. Trust me. I'm as reliable as the FDA.


Sunday, February 9, 2014

Bite Me With My Mother's Teeth

Might as well start off February with a post about Irene, my 88 year old mother.

Irene is at the point where "elderly paranoia" has set in. She doesn't trust most of the nurses aids which is very sad, as she depends on them for just about all of her needs. There are certain people you should always be nice to - your hairstylist, your phlebotomist, and your nurse's aid.

Anyway, I'm visiting with Irene a couple of weeks ago and she tells me how the aids try to take out her teeth at night. And I tell her that yes, of course they do, because you have false teeth and you normally don't sleep with your teeth in. The reason they want her teeth, according to Irene, is to give them to a little boy, who "evidently has awful teeth".

So now I'm picturing an 8 year old boy, running around with my mother's false teeth in his mouth, sporting a big ol' grin and sucking on a lollipop.

But let's not stop there. Because I also imagine he is wearing my mother's clothes. They take those away too at night (the concept of pajamas seems to also have been lost by Irene). This poor kid must take a lot of ribbing at school.