Sunday, August 5, 2012

Party Port-A-Potty

You never buy beer. You just rent it. And when you are at a summer party complete with great food, awesome bands, and port-a-potties, you just know a situation will materialize worthy of a blog post.

Two beers and one sweat tea in it was time. I couldn't ignore it any longer. So I trotted off to the portable toilet, opened the door, and stepped in. I prayed my thighs could hold prop me high and steady above the hole. Oh why, oh why did I look down into the sea of blue below the lid? Never, never do that.

I looked over to my right. What's that strange sink with the pink soap sitting in the middle of it? That's no sink! And why is it located so close to where I need to hover?! Yuck. What if I topple over and land face first into this thing?




I made it through the first round unscathed.  Round 2 came quickly, after just one more pint. Blondie headed off to the Leaning Tower of Peesa first and I hopped in line shortly after she shut the door.

Blondie was kind enough to wait until I finished my turn. Thank goodness I had a post potty spot checker. Her port-a-potty technique is apparently more effective then mine as she did not end up with a wet spot on the back of shorts.  Summer fun - cookouts, warm evenings, and pee pee shorts.



Friday, August 3, 2012

Party On Irene (Teeth Or No Teeth)


Here's a pic of Irene rockin' my sunglasses. It was hot today, but here she is in her turtleneck and pearls.  My father bought her those pearls when he was in Hawaii during World War II and she wears them proudly every day.

I had a good visit today, despite the fact I had to fix Irene's teeth a couple of times. Sometimes I look at the people in the nursing home and just think what the fuck - why don't they have a mini bar in each room for these people? Let them have a little fun.  They should be having a party every day. So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1925.


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Wait Till You Hear This Story

Since the Olympics started I've been watching more television. And I've decided I hate the "tease". You know, the previews for the nightly news where they lead into a story in order to pique your curiosity so you will tune in after your show is over. Well, WWLP News, I'm not gonna do it.

"Meteors plummet towards the U.S. Will they hit your house? Tonight at 11:00."
"Five inmates escape from the state penitentiary. Are they hiding in your yard? Tune in at 11:00."
"Evacuations ordered for flood surge. Is your neighborhood on the list? Find out at 11:00."
"Free hot fudge sundaes until 10:00pm this evening. Find out where at 11:00."
"Fecal parasites detected in local water supply. Should you boil your water? Watch our investigative report tomorrow morning at 6:00am".

That's it's. I'm going back to watching the cute girls in little bikinis playing beach volleyball.