Thursday, January 27, 2011

I'll Take The Former

FEAST

wake up in my house|feed the dog|get dressed|shovel snow|take shower|sign into work|eat breakfast|work on upgrade|debug code|analyze security|plan meetings|eat lunch|more work|feed dog|read mail|put clothes away|facebook|blog|pay bills|work some more|watch television|go to bed|read|fall asleep

OR

wake up in the nursing home|eat breakfast|sit|eat lunch|nap|sit|eat dinner|sit|go to bed|fall asleep

FAMINE

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Take A Letter



Hi Winter,

How are you? It was snow nice to see you last week, as well as the week before that. And I'm looking forward to your visit tomorrow.

May I be so bold as to ask you a favor? Could you please leave your cousin, Freezur Assoff, at home next time you decide to drop by? He's a nice guy but he tends to give me the cold shoulder.

And one more thing - you may want to lay off the desserts. You are a little heavier than years past and both the deck and pool cover are showing signs of the stress of your weight.

So now that we have that out of the way, I think I will hit the rack. Feel free to pile up nice and high on the Mass Pike. I'm looking forward to a work from home day tomorrow.

Lots of Love,

CJ


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Poop Deck


Mourning Dove. I now know how this species was named for I am mourning the loss of my poop free deck. Apparently the fence is no longer the gathering spot for these creatures. And although the droppings on the fence rail were not nice either, they were further away from the house, could be sprayed off by a hose to a section of the yard not commonly used, and were not visible from the kitchen and living room windows.

And no, I don't think they fit in an Easy Bake Oven (see previous post).

Friday, January 21, 2011

Shovel, Shovel, Shovel

I haven't blogged in a week? Bad CJ, bad. Put that shovel down and get in the house and start typing!

Speaking of shoveling, I was outside just a couple of hours ago, all dyked out in my flannel, shoveling beverage at the ready, clearing off another 4 inches of snow from the top of my car. I recomend Opa Opa Winter Strong to help you get through the process. I was nice and toasty.

Tomorrow I am going to my great-neices' birthday party. I bought her an Easy Bake Oven. I want one. I want to prepare every meal in an Easy Bake Oven for a year, blog about it, and write a book about how easy and delicious it was. Screw Julia and Julia. From now on it's CJ and The Easy Bake.

Somehow, I don't think you can cook meat with at 100 watt light bulb. Maybe omelettes? Steak Tar Tar? Suggestions?

Friday, January 14, 2011

Stiffy On Ice

Stiffy is a hockey Mom. And I never imagined how much work goes into getting the kids all set for a practice session. It took me less time to get ready for the prom then it did for her youngest to get all geared up to get on the ice.

Going to the rink with Stiffy was a real eye opener. There were boys, there were girls, there were two year olds (not making this up) that were all getting dressed to practice. Here is the list of the required gear:

Shorts - with built in protection for the family jewels
Shin guards
Long stockings that velcro to the shorts and go from thighs to ankles
More shorts that go over the other shorts with padding for kidneys
Elbow Pads
Neck Protector
Chest Protector
Helmet
Gloves
Big shirt that covers all of the above
Gloves
Skates

You rock Stiffy. I don't know how you keep it all together.










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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Nor'easter


Just sitting around wondering how much snow has to be on a deck before it actually collapses.....


I didn't want chance it myself so I sent my sled dog Cierra to check it out.

Yup, it looks safe.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

How Many Points Do I Have?

Nutrisystem worked great for me. I tired of the food after a few months however. So this January 1, I joined Weight Watchers. I've lost 3.5 pounds in three days! And I'm freaking starving!

I like the point system. But I have a few questions that I need answered before the weekend:

  • How many points in a wheel of cheese?
  • Does lifting a tall beer count as an activity? If yes, than I assume it is better to drink a Guinness as opposed to an Miller Lite.
  • Can I eat my 49 weekly over-flow points all in one sitting?
  • If I take the Skinny Serum that I normally put in my hair and rub it on my thighs, will it have the same effect? That is, will it prevent my thighs from sticking out too far sideways?
Time to go to bed and dream of hot fudge sundaes.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Buzzzzzzz

I love the new bullet I received as a present. I've played with it practically every day since I opened the package. There are so many different ways to use it and it is so fast! I'm trying to take advantage of all the attachments but so far I've only gotten around to trying two of them.

I just plug her in and turn her on and start listening to her buzz away. The hands free feature is really convenient. Before you know it - a smoothie! Oh, and she is dishwasher safe too. You can never have too clean a bullet.



I can't wait to try making hummus and salsa!








Monday, January 3, 2011

I Won't Make This Mistake Again (Hopefully)

I found a nice little surprise in my work backpack this morning. Any guesses as to what this may be?

It's not baby food, apple sauce, or poo.

It smelled bad.

Its skin was worse than its guts.










I'm a Dole Banana and I'm here to say,
I rotted in your bag while you were away.
I was green in the store when I was sold,
But now I'm all nasty and covered with mold.