Apparently I had dropped a bit of my lunch (a protein bar) onto my lap, where it then melted into my trousers. Great.
Earlier in the week I discovered another food faux pas while looking in the mirror of that same ladies room. You know how Greek yogurt is thicker than regular yogurt, almost paste-like? Well, it's also more difficult to clean off your spoon and upper lip , which is where Greek yogurt sometimes lands when you eat, read, and type on your computer concurrently. Yogurt lip is nice look if you work in the adult film industry but not if you work in a cube.
I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.